We've been married 7 years, have two kids, 6 and 5 years old. We were very much in love when we started but in the first 4 years we suffered 6 deaths in close family incl his mom, serious illnesses, a move, change of work, plus the births of our kids with all the bring along.
March 07 my H started acting distant, I thought it was all because of his work but eventually I asked him what was wrong and I got the usual staff : he loved me but was overwhelmed by the resposnibilities of being a dad and H, he was feeling down, he loved me but didn't know what to do to feel better etc. etc. I tried to be compassionate and understanding. As months went by, he became angry at me. He started saying he didn't think we were compatible, our marriage was a mistake, if it wasn't for the kids he would leave and in general nothing I did seemed to help him, I drove him away.
In Sep-Oct 07 we had a 40 days agreed separation and he came back saying he missed us all three and wanted to try and fix things. 3 weeks later, I asked how he felt and I got the "I can't try, I think I should leave, what do you think?" I said I couldn't force him to stay and he left 3 days later on November 17th.
The first month was terrible, I shouted, I cried, I was falling appart. Harsh words were exchanged, we even got to sending legal papers back & forth regarding the kids and the money. I was mean he was determined.
Then one night I decided I wasn't going to let it go like that. Deep inside me I had faith in us and his love for me. I changed overnight. I stopped crying, I was friendly and easygoing. I started laughing again, enjoying myself, having great time with my kids (who responded well to their mom's change) and I was being generous to him.
A week after that night I sensed him calmer on the phone. The next two weeks we started communicating. He said to our friends he saw the change in me and I remind him of the old me. He is now thinking over what he did and he realised that our problems are not that big,that he knows we didn't have time together at all, and that he is 50-50 to coming back to really make it work.
At that point I came across to Michelles' site and ordered the books. I am based in Greece so I only received the books on Friday 18 Jan. I read the book in one night. Guess what, I have been doing divorce busting techniques without even knowing it.
And so far I saw very positive progress.The latest is that this last weekend he came to our house both days and stayed with us for 4-5 hours each day. Thank God I had read the book on Friday because I would have be asking questions and pushing. I didn't. I stayed calm and cool, was happy he was there but nothing more. My kids loved it and he seemed pazzled. When it was time to leave he looked around our HOME and was getting frustrated. I sensed a "how did we end up here?" thought crossing is mind.
This is where I need your help. Is there anything I could do to help him decide to come home other than what I am doing? He IS a slow thinker, he takes his time, he is working 6 days a week and for the next 4 months he 'll be doing this on 12 hours/day mode. I am sensing he needs some kind of re-assurance, some kind of a positive push, something to actually tell him it WILL work. He is a great father and I know the last thing he wants is to put the kids through hell again now that they started feeling better by deciding without being sure.
Sorry to be posting so much but it is my first post and I had to let you know where we are now and how we got here. Any advice?
Thanks for listening, I would appreciate your tips,
