today, as I dropped off our children, I asked my wife for 2 minutes of her time, to ask her a single question. I asked, "if, sometime in the future, one of our children did something to deeply, deeply hurt you... then he asked for your forgiveness.. would you choose to not forgive him until you felt better... or would you choose to forgive him, and work on your feelings?"
[background: she has said that she doesnt want to do anything even approaching reconciliation, because she has "too many negative feelings about the past"]
The FIRST (and pretty much only) thing out of her mouth was, "They're my children. the rules are different for children".
made me want to ask, "so what happens when they are all grown up, and they arent 'children' any more, but they still hurt you??"
but I had asked for just one question. so i stuck to my word, and just asked her to say what her answer to the question would be.
She said that she would choose to forgive them (rather than just going by her feelings)
That may be true... But by her actions towards me, seems like she's teaching them to never forgive anyone ELSE. And especially not the person who should be the most important to them; their spouse. (but that's ok, you dont have to forgive them anyway; just go find someone new?)
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yesterday, as I was saying goodnight to them on the phone, one of them told me that he wished we could be a 5-family again. Wonder if she even heard that. Dont think so; i'm guessing she was too busy doing other things. Which, sadly, is probably why he said it then.
I think they're too nervous or worn out to ask her about that any more. So they are asking me. Asking Daddy to Save Our Family. I wish I knew what I could do, other than "wait and be patient"
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
