18 months, but who's counting?

[theotherhalf]

peace: It seems like no matter how busy I am, no matter what's

going on in my personal life - the second I have a minute to think, my mind goes straight back to H. At times, H is still the very first thing that enters my mind when I wake up. I still think about him every night before I sleep. Last night, I dreamt about him. I know I am much farther along than I was - I'm comfortable with where I'm at, much more detached and know I'll be ok with a D. Just need to get him out of my head. Maybe too many memories everywhere I go and too much attachment to his family...

still, i am living the exact same way. i keep wondering why...after all that he has done...all that has happened...after all this time...all the hurt and rejection i have felt...why can't i hate him? why can't i bury the love i feel for him?...why can't i just get on with my life and leave him in the past...why can't i get over him?