MLC's come home-part 2

[cagzmom]

I WANT HIM TO COME HOME!!

[ACJ]

I WANT HIM TO COME HOME!!

We know, we know

(((((((((((Cagz))))))))))))))

[cagzmom]

thanks. just some days you get caught in the yuck.

i dont know where i am or what i am doing. he is gone. my h that i loved is dead. only God can bring to me a new man. maybe that is my new look on this. i keep saying i want him to come home but that isn't the truth...the person that he has become - nope I deserve better...but ...and here in lay the problem...

the person that he could be..............now that is who i would like to meet....love and be with.

someone said today something very real..she said "He broke the embillical (sp?) cord by having teh affair. the old marriage is DEAD - and IF God were to restore it it woudl be a new GOOD GREAT DIFFERENT marriage...i see that...just need to let go.

yes God can restore. but he can renew and rebuild too. so confusing.

[short1]

My friend calls it the bubble. The marriage we all had was self contained. For whatever problems there may have been, they were our problems. It is a special place. After an a affair that is gone. The marriage now has a third person in it. The very specialness of the two of you in your own world is gone. At least thats how it feels to me. I feel that to stay with my H, it will never be the same. It might be better in that we may learn about each other and ourselves, but that special place that only we had is forever gone. I don't know if that can be restored.....

[cagzmom]

i dont know much anymore either short.

i am waiting on God - but feeling more and more emotionally pulled to file for d when March rolls around. NOT that i am not for marriage - rebuilding and standing - but FOR ME - I am not sure that sitting in limbo is truly letting my H go - and go to God or WHErEVER -- i dont know but that is what I am thinking.

[TRUSTING]

cagz,

I know it is hard. Yes, you deserve better. I want my ex back but only if he changes and repents. Sometimes I am hopeful, other times I am not.

I admire the people on this board who have taken their MlC'er back and found forgiveness. I am not so sure I would do very good. I would want answers and I think I might remind them of what they did too often.

Hang in there Cagz. It has to play out.

[cagzmom]

i think i am going to file. it is wierd because in North Carolina the papers can't be filed until 1 year from sepeariton. We are still yes STILL working on the garbage that we did in mediation in DECEMBER!!! I WANT TO HAVE the paperwork DONE!!

I said something to someone today aobut possibly filing in March. She siad "you just ready to get it over with..." NOPE that is NOT what I am ready to do. I guess for me it is the letting go....the marriage i HAD IS DEAD. God broght Lazurus back to life. IF my H takes steps to God - then maybe his life will be reborn and there could be a new us...i just dont see him letting himself hit bottom... i just don't.

i know every day it seems different and i still believe i am standing. BUT he is going to move in with her - he wants his freedom and to i want to give it to him-- but I think NOT FOR HIM but for me.

NOT for a reaction - NOT to say "i beat you to the punch..but for me. H - you want out...ok your out. end of story."

i dont contact unless about $ or the kids. when i do talk to him - he lies. when i do see him - he lies. when i do think about him - it hurts.

my h is a runner - always has been. his only hope is to hit bottom and i have to really let him go. i am praying and seeking God about it...i just dont know...and i am thankful that MArch 12th is not tomorrow. becuase today i dont know.

[a new 2moro]

moving in with ow is just the best thing to shake the shine off the r. D is just a piece of paper, you dont need that to let him go.

[cagzmom]

thanks a new...i ma trying to walk this. i just dont have peace either way...

[maelstrom]

I've read that too, that they start to reconnect with family and friends, kids and then spouse.

I thought my H had hit rockbottom last August but he has also bounced back into selfish mode and has withdrawn from me. Things are still all my fault.

Atm I think he is trying to reconnect with friends but finds that he hasn't got many, so is pretty miserable. He moves from one crisis to another and I am afraid that the lure of OW, who I thought was off the scene, is too strong. Self medicating. He knows that no OW is my only boundary and it is writ in stone.

It will be a year next week since H's mother died unexpectedly and precipitated this plunge into full blown MLC. I'm still here and still trying to hang on but it is hard at times.