Just checking in... I'm rooting for you. I think it takes a lot of courage to actually feel the pain, and not disguise it from ourselves with anger/resentment/denial/whatever. It takes a lot of strength. A lot!!
If you feel like you are getting stuck in one feeling, I just just finished the chapter on love letters from mars and venus and for some reason I thought you might find it helpful. It's a way of releasing negative emotions, and you can do it without even showing the other person. It is very simple, just write "dear __. I am angry___, I am sad ___, I am afraid ___, I am sorry___, I love___. Love, ___."
Sometimes we have to have a breakdown before we have a breakthrough. I think the important thing is not to let your wife see the breakdown.
Someone else has probably already pointed this out, but I wouldn't believe everything she says, esp about not being attracted to you for 19 years. It sounds like she is just doing the rewriting-the-history-of-the-relationship thing to justify where she is at now. It still hurts... but it doesn't mean that it's true.
