Those are all very real things from which he's going to have to deal with the fall out. I'm sure he's not thinking things thru; the brain chemicals are taking over at this point.
But I was thinking more about "repercussions" from YOU. Some examples from my own situation were:
- my wife no longer had her husband paying for her cellphone, since I told her that he would no longer pay for a phone that she was using to carry on an affair. Since she only had a part-time job, and limited funds, this was very painful for her;
- my wife had to deal -- DAILY -- with the scorn and pressure from her parents, since I exposed the affair to them;
- my wife had to deal with the watchful eye of her employer, to whom I had also exposed their affair, since it occurred on their premises;
- my wife had to deal with the deep disappointment of our 20- and 18-year old daughters, since I exposed the affair to them;
- my wife had to begin paying for her own credit card bill, since the balance was mostly the tummy tuck that we had charged up, because I told her "I will no longer pay for something that you used to attract the affections of another man";
- my wife lost the daily "best friends" relationship with her betrayed husband. No longer could she tell me about the struggles of her day at work, or dream with me, or bring me her cares and concerns. We dealt solely with the kids and the day-to-day "business" stuff of the family that had to be done, but I wasn't about to give her my shoulder for support, AND I TOLD HER SO. I could literally SEE the pressure of all of her deceit -- trying to balance the lies of the affair -- on her face and on her shoulders, but I was NOT going to rescue her from it.
Is that "mean"? I don't think so. I treated her with everyday kindnesses (pulled her car in the garage for her, covered her up with a blanket when she fell asleep on the couch, opened doors for her, etc.), but I was NOT going to treat her with the same undying devotion and love that I did when she was faithful to me.
NOP, on the SSM board, gave me a mantra by which I lived: "Never rescue an infidel from the consequences of their actions." I let certain natural consequences kick in, without protecting or rescuing her from them, and others I set in motion.
These things had the following results:
1) They allowed my wife to feel the consequences of her infidelity;
2) They gave me some much-needed self-esteem, at a time when mine had been shredded by the pain of her infidelity;
3) They actually made me MORE ATTRACTIVE to my wife, as she saw me fighting for her and for our family;
4) My parents, her parents, and our children saw me fighting for our marriage and for our family.
