I think of the term 'soulmate' to describe the one person I can accept completely, they accept me completely, as is... and once that has been established... we still hang out anyway... somehow still getting our 'needs' met. We don't dwell on what 'doesn't' click. We focus on what does... and we go from there.
The only person I can say that about, right now... is my best friend. There are things we cannot 'stand' about one another. We cannot live together (we tried it once in college and got into a fist fight). So. If it ever her and me at the end of our lives, we will be living in a duplex.
Gosh, I could go on and on and on about all the stuff about her and me that don't match up. Yanni Cohanni. I guess the thing that keeps us friends, forever, is that we both KNOW where we don't match up... but we DO agree on the bottom line. The bare minimums, to keep us in the game. kwis?
I think of Hairdog right now, and anyone else who is coming into 'acceptance' of another. If he ever delivers that letter, he will be throwing out... "this is the baseline of what I need to go through it all with you." If they can agree on that... they are gold.
But like Mojo says... in that chemical phase... it's hard to get to the baseline, cuz you are too busy floating up in the ether to figure out what baseline is.
I think 'soulmates' have agreed on the baseline. But I don't think you can only have ONE soulmate, friend of intimate partner. It just takes time figuring out what 'baseline' is. Too often, we don't do that. And then when we do get to 'baseline,' feelings are involved...
Like xbf and me. He has this 'thing' in his life he wants to do. But he also wants to be with me. Those two things don't match up. So... instead of 'accepting' me, as is... he tries to manipulate me out of my feelings, or said boundaries... because he doesn't want to give up A or B. Giving up either one hurts.
Or... I try to 'accept' this 'thing' in his life, testing my own boundary, actually asking myself, 'is this a boundary or a preference?' I try it out. I find out, through my own actions and behaviors... nope, this is truly a boundary, not a preference.
I had a friend I went through this with recently, as well.
Given his "A" boundary, I had to test my own "A" boundary. Our "A's" didn't match up.
At that point... ya gotta have the balls to say... "I love you, and I respect all your things you want, all your A boundaries... but... my "A" boundary, things I want, are clashing. I could try very hard to give up my A boundary to make this work, but then I am no longer authentic to you, or to me... and at some point, this is all going to blow. I'd rather walk away from you now, honoring both of us, just knowing that our "A's" don't match up, than to further degrade and hurt you down the road, simply because I continued to lie to you about something I thought I COULD give up, and found out later... 'nope, can't do that.'
Long way of saying... I think soulmates are two people who figure out how to make it work when their "A's" don't necessarily match up.
