Will I be here?

[Beth 83]

Hi All!!

I've been taking some time for myself, just to think and sort through my feelings.

I had a very interesting session w/ my C last week. Basically, I'm realizing that I may not actually be able to handle how much H and I are talking. That I keep putting myself out there for him, but I really feel hurt. This supports my feeling about going dark for a little bit. H and IM'd on Thursday. He is going to FL w/ his mom to help with the house his parents are building down there. We talked a little about that and some other random stuff. H easily contacts me when he is not w/ OW, but doesn't when he is with her. So infuriating to me. It puts me very much in a "fight" mode (I'm your wife, I'm prettier, a better catch..you WILL pay attention to ME) I realize that there is a big part of me that just wants her out of the picture b/c I don't want her to triumph over me. Ugh.

But, I've been having a good weekend otherwise. Went to a bachelorette party yesterday and was complimented a lot (positive from when H left me--I lost 20 pounds over the summer! HA!) I have a wedding in 2 weeks, so that should be fun too.

I sometimes wonder if all this would be easier for me if I wasn't sitting in OUR house, looking at OUR and HIS things.

Any ideas of book suggestions? I feel like a have read so many and may need a tune-up.