For me, at least before, it was never about the "O". I rarely had one and honestly didn't mind. I just enjoyed it for what it was. I loved your sandbox comparison. I think that's exactly how it should be. Now if i could get my H to think that same way. H has some pretty firm preconveiced notions of what sex should/n't and could/n't be. No lights on. Not in the morning. No toys or different position. No talking really. Not sure why, he doesn't really even want to talk about sex in general. We were each other's first, so that probably plays a part in it, but i almost feel like he's not completely comfortable with me. It's hard. Now, my focus is on him 'finishing' and then we can be done. I hate that.
Have you told your H all of this... as plainly (and kindly) as you have stated above?
