I am happy to hear you closed off that AFF account; yes, you may be the owner of the pointy shoes, but you have an equally intense vulnerability as well.
Thanks for seeing it. When the vulnerable side comes out, it seems to concern people a bit... I appear to be a bit off my rocker.
Fact is, I'm just not all that good at expressing/handling my own vulnerability. I don't regret it, though. I'm learning. I suppose that is why I even allow myself to get a little kooky on here, why I've told people of my own struggles, the depth of my pain that I poured alcohol all over for sometime... the AFF thing.
I post it because I can see it as clearly as anyone else can... I'm not lying about it, nor making excuses for it... I'm looking at it, just like everyone else, and I say to myself, "Get a grip, girl."
That's probably TMI for lots of folks. Shrug. It's a heck of a lot better than what I used to do in my life. It'll swing back to center, eventually. I know it will, because I have no intention of failing. I have no intention of becoming a wolverine. It's tempting, certainly. But I'd rather have these feelings of mine wipe me out, turn me upside down, flatten me on my back, and whatever else it is that they do to me... so I can learn to deal with them, instead of stuffing them. <-- Did that too long.
I'm not real good with the anger part of it. I've never been good at constructively handling or expressing anger. I think that's pretty obvious. Right now, it's either coming out a bit strong, or I go the other way, and get all weepy/sappy/depressing. In my previous life... I'd just SIT on all of that... stuff it. {head shake} THAT'S no good.
Actually, none of the above is really good at all, not even when I look at it myself. But. There is some happy medium in there, and I intend to find it.
When the vulnerable side comes out, it seems to concern people a bit... I appear to be a bit off my rocker.
