Question-Any good basic advice for me?

[saffie]

I don't think DBing means being treated like a doormat.Your H is a a$$hole. He just seems to want to see how much he can play with you and how far he can push you.

My H used to give me a hard time when I was really depressed and not doing stuff around the house. Then he suddenly seemed to not be so bad - that's when his A started - unbeknownst to me. He didn't care about me anymore and what I got upto so he no longer got so stressed.

I DID realise I was depressed and very unhappy and the M was in a bad sitch. I sought help. Took me a few times to find the right therapist, ( I tended to play with them a bit - like it sounds your H does - not for the same reasons but it is hard to open up and accept someones advice / outlook / opinions if you don't think them to be on the same intellectual level or you think they just don't 'get' you). My current T will let me wander off and digress and procrastinate at times but he always has a way of DRAGGING me back to what I was avoiding and making me face it. My H saw the changes in me and that's what made him tell me about his A. I set boundaries and my T and psychiatrist backed me up with H and we haven't looked back. I would not accept an OW in my M. Once I knew of her existence we had a week in which my H had to make up his mind what he was going to do. I would not give him longer.

BTW, one of the reasons he had avoided me a bit when I was 'getting better' but before he told me about the A was because he was attracted to me again, ( I had lost weight and was looking and behaving more like I did pre kids etc), and he didn't want to be tempted away from OW!!!!!!!!GIT!!!!! The fact that he is trying to hurt you by his comments and behaviour makes me think he does care still - why bother if you meant nothing. Maybe he is trying to hurt you because he has felt hurt,(for whatever reason), in the past. Hate and Llove are closely linked I believe - total indifference I consider to be much worse.

Keep going girl and don't let that H of yours disrespect you. Set boundaries. Don't be a doormat. You are a clever lady and don't let your H make you think otherwise. BTW your D sounds very astute - how sad she can see what a a$$hole her dad is.