I think I feel smothered

[WAS32]

Well I had the big OW bomb confirmed last night. He told me the truth about her and what was going on. I guess i always knew but just never wanted to really believe it. I don't know how to deal with this. he said he could not try to restart our marriage without telling me the whole truth. So great, now I know. i don't even know how I feel. She was suppose to be my friend. I am pretty angry with her at this moment. She is actually saying that my H is a liar and it never happened. She had her brother call me to tell me that. Things are really messed up. i wish I knew what I was feeling for H right now. Just kinda floating right now. he says he wants to be home. That while he was gone he was looking for something that he thought was missing in our M but realized that he wanted to be here. he says he can't forgive himself for what he has done and if rolls were reversed he would have gone off the deep end. So at this point my trust level has really dropped and I am not sure how to start regaining it. I am very confused right now. I think I still love him but I am not sure.