The New Adventures of Supermom...Part 3

[JennyF]

First of all, thanks so much to all of you who made it thru my long long post and especially for those who responded. The support is so amazing and helpful.

Brit...you are so right that I am stuck. Since the bomb dropped 6 wks before giving birth, I spent that time doing the usual bomb drop stuff of crying and being depressed (not to mention every ant-DB thing I possibly could have done) . Then when my S came, I got to turn most of that off and emmerse myself in baby-land. Sure there were a lot of other things that H dropped on me in the meantime, but I think after getting thru the holidays I am now in a way, back where I was right before I had the baby. I really hadn't worked through it all yet...so I'm still in a sense dealing with all that stuff...mostly just admitting that it's over and accepting that reality.
My S has become my comfort zone and letting him go means I am truly alone. I have to get to a place where that isn't a scary thing. I'm working on it. You are right, radical change is desparately needed.
Nothing you said made it seem like I was a bad wife. I completely understand and appreciate your comments.

Ellie...

Jeez - with sisters like that, who needs enemies???????

LOL!! Yes, my sister has a 'tough love' approach that can leave a lot to be desired sometimes. I think she has been holding back for 4 months now while I tip toed along and it's been building up in her. While I don't agree with her methods or some of the things she said...I did need to hear a lot of it. I cried for a full day after the conversation, it hurt a lot. But now that I've gotten through that fog I can take what I need to from that conversation and leave the rest. I haven't called her back and I won't be. I'll leave that to her. Regarding the jelousy thing...it's funny that you picked up on this because this has been an issue going back many many years. The brunt of our problems actually, but I wouldn't have associated her, funny that you did.
By no means did she mean that anything I did justify what H did. She is just as disgusted in him as anyone else, probably more so in fact. I think she didn't realize how fragile I still am right now when she went there. Her opinion of me has always been that I need thicker skin anyway!! With her ways you'd think I'd be made of leather by now!

MO2...You are right that my GAL has to be my focus right now. I did bake the cake yesterday and I'm glad I did. Creativity has always been a good escape for me and baking and decorating specifically.
Thanks for the prayers. I need all I can get! It's funny that you mention separating the GAL from my kids. I have never been someone who put all my worth into being a Mom. Yeah I struggled with keeping it all together after I went back to work after my D...but I've always been able to let her go when I needed to. The sitch with my S feels so different because I don't feel like he's H's if that makes sense. He treated me horribly thru the pregnancy and then dropped the bomb at 33 weeks...it's like he never cared thru the pregnancy and now that he's here I'm supposed to just hand him over to Daddy dearest? I've been far more possessive w/ S than I was D for these reasons. My MIL is someone who still can't define herself w/out her kids...and her youngest is 24! She's has actually burdened her kids (me included) quite a bit because she couldn't GAL a few years ago when H's Dad left (he was living a double life in FLA...basically did what my H did but left his WHOLE family). So it's interesting for me to draw the parallel's and see how I can break this cycle myself. I have to give myself all the advice I've given her over the years. Oh the irony...

Anyway...thanks again to everyone. I'm still feeling a little down...but better than a couple days ago and of course tomorrow will be better still. I've got my list started and look forward to executing it!

J~