Separated for 20 months, can we make it work?

[RedHeadWife]

I don't have a lot of time for specifics, but I felt really compelled to advise on a few things:

I would say this is most important: If you even THINK you may want to make things work w/ your H, STOP NOW any angry words or anything that could possibly make him change his mind again about wanting to come back. That would include contacting the OW. I don't want you to think right now that you don't want him back and do or say anything that will make him not want to work things out and then regret that later.

Get Divorce Remedy asap and read it. I think most importantly you need to look at yourself and figure out what you want for yourself and your children. It seems that you have worked on yourself all this time and probably are at a good place w/o H. Now you need to decide if you want him in your life and your children's life. The trust issue is going to take a long time to get over. You need to look at yourself and decide whether you want to forgive H and move on. Honestly, whether you decide to work on your M or not, you will really need to get to a place where you can forgive your H or it will affect future R's and your mental well-being if you can't do that.