I just have a few minutes before I head off with H & D3 to H's dad's.
Not feeling good tonight. H forgot to shut down the computer this morning. One of his emails popped up. Yes, I was compelled to look. I looked at all his saved messages. All 4 pages of them.....since the first of June. They've been saying ILY since at least June. It makes me sick, as he introduced me to her and her husband on July 4th. There was a message in the early am of July 4th from her in regards to seeing him on the 3rd. SICK! I could see the progression of the A through the emails. She's told her family in CA about the A and about my H. Some are supportive of her. I could see through the emails how they've gone from knowing that it probably wouldn't work between them to now wanting to be together forever and not caring about anyone else. I also saw a message referring to a night that she realized that she no longer wanted her M. I'd say it was the first time OW and my H had sex. I'm sick.
I know.....2x4. I shouldn't have looked. It was like a car wreck. I knew I should stop looking, but I couldn't turn away.
So, off I go for a weekend with a man that I know has been heavily involved with OW for longer than I suspected.
I'll try to get on over the next few days.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Oh Sue, no 2 x 4 here, my friend. Just hugs. I am so sorry. Try to remember H wanted you to come this weekend, so make the best of it. Maybe if you make it 'safe' to talk with you about OW, he will talk to you a bit about it.
Don't forget if you come online at FIL's, erase all history!!!
Take care, make this weekend about D3 and yourself......
SueS, I'm not one to beat anyone up about a little snooping here and there. I think it's more hurtful to you if you continue to snoop now that you know the truth, though. I remember reading tm's that were really sexually explicit. Made me sick. Actually it's making me sick right now - I hadn't thought about how much of a disgusting tramp ow is for a while..
I agree with Sara.. Print them and put them someplace safe where you aren't tempted to dwell on them. You never know what stuff you may or may not need in the future.
Take care this weekend.. Detach, detach, detach... LO
What a time to find those emails - I am hurting for you. Do what the others say and print them off and keep them somewhere safe.
If it's any comfort, my H' OW thought they could make a go off it all even though it seemed logistically impossible. She even left her H and her two children and set up her own house. In reality there was no way it would work though. At the moment it is all words; I know that hurts bad but it is just words and you know that her H wants to keep his M if he can.
Have as good a time away as you can - show your H's family how wonderful you are so if he does mention to them in the future what he has been up to they will just think he is crazy to think about giving you up.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
You are better than this. Saffie is right, it's just words. Head up high, rise above it and don't give him the satifaction of letting on you know (it is probably what he wants to justify his actions).
P.S. No 2 by 4 as we have all done it ... and felt betrayed afterwards.
Sue, hon, I'm sorry - I know exactly how that feels.
I'm not going to swing a 2x4 at you, but I will propose a question to ask yourself in the future. You're at a point now where it seems like you know everything worth knowing - probably more than you need to, really. So, the next time you get the chance to peek at his email, try to pause and ask yourself: WHY do I want to look at this cr@p? Will looking at this help me save my marriage? Will it help me build up my PMA? Will it help me grow and be happy and strong?
I know how addicting it is watch the train wreck. I've done that same rubbernecking myself. But, to continue the analogy, slowing down to look at it just keeps you on the road to your destination that much longer.
Sometimes the hardest battles to win are the ones you fight when no one else is watching. Quitting snooping is tough - but you are a strong person! (((Hugs!)))
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
