HELP!! my 25 y/o H walked out... maybe mlc? HELP!!

[darkestangel]

I can't imagine going through this for 8 months. After the first week, my friends & family were telling me to get over it and move on. It's been a month (exactly one month on Saturday), and it's just so disheartening. He seems so far away. Emotionally, physically, mentally.

I have to admit, I have grown since he's left. I bought a car, so I don't have to rearrange everything around his crazy graveyard schedule. I can take d3 to the park/ zoo/ pet store/ friends house/ mall w/o him being grumpy about being stuck at home w/o wheels. Money wise, it's real tight but I don't have to worry about him spending excessively. In fact, I can actually afford to buy myself a few things for fun, which I could never do before. Even tiny things, I bought a small handmade necklace at a local farmers market for $5. I never would have bought it before b/c H spent so much on himself, it was hard just to be able to pay bills & groceries.

The last month or so before he left, H had so much animosity in him, he's pick fights over anything. About a week into the separation, H admitted that sometimes he was just waiting for me to say/do something so he could jump all over it. There's a certain peace of mind that I have now in my home. Too bad that along with that peace of mind comes loneliness.

I have to ask you, cat. How do you keep that love inside yourself after 8 months? I love my husband unconditionally, and I understand that right now, he's not seeing things clearly. But 8 months is a long time. That's a long time to feel devalued by the man you love. I put my heart and soul into our family, and I want my d3 to grow up with both of her parents. I want him to see us for us again, instead of a burden, instead of a symbol of his responsibilities.

For the 8 months your H was away, did he go through mini-stages? When he spoke of coming home, was it unexpected or were there changes just prior to?

My H was incessantly hostile for the first week, the depressed for a few days, then cold and hostile again. Now he acts like we're just acquaintances who happened to have a kid together and just happened to used to be married.

I know that this is his journey, that he needs this for him. But to know that he's with another woman just kills me. I don't mention her, I don't ask questions. But inside, I ache. The aching is getting better, it doesn't consume me and my thoughts like it did at first.
Thanks again