No time tonight. Have my kids. Cannot say tonight Frank.
Quote:
Amy, I totally agree with you and my decision was going to be to NOT bring up any 'relationship' counseling. The only thing I need to be working on is me. Not our 'relationship', me.
Sorry folks, but no dice here. I do not agree.
More tomorrow.
Why did you post if you have nothing to say?
Here is more of MY thoughts. By working on 'me' I am working also on how we will communicate, how we interact. That will improve our 'relationship' as a side effect. It's also doing something 'different' than I have ever done before. Not trying to fix it. Not taking care of other peoples needs before my own.
By saying "let's go to Retrovaille" that's pulling her to do what she has stated she does NOT want to do - be a 'wife', save the marriage. And, as another friend pointed out, if we DID go I'd most likely go back to FIXING and nothing would be accomplished.
No, the best course right NOW is for me to just stay out of her way while she 'flys'. Be nice, friendly, coordial, caring but STAY OUT of her world. It will do nothing but hurt me, draw me in to 'fixing' and 'hope' when right now my energy needs to be on fixing all the other damage to my life, financial and spiritual, so I can create a safe environment again, for me, my kids, and even my wife.
I am already spending too much time thinking and talking about her. Not healthy or productive.
Most of the women I have talked to who I trust, have said the same thing: Save yourself FIRST, be decent, coordial, friendly when you feel like it. Do not DB. Unplug from the emotional connection.
I went a little too far with the 'detaching' last week because it was more like 'dark' and it was a STRATEGY. I need to just go with the flow, trust in God and deal with my own feelings and fears.
She is 'shut off' from me. Trust me, I feel it. Whether or not it's 'permanent' is unknown. If we look at the past, she has pursued her 'new life' but as she hits roadblocks, she falls down and eventually crashes.
Maybe she will, maybe not. Either way, as reality creeps into her life she has to face hard decisions - alone. Just like I have had to. But remember, she said "I DO NOT WANT TO BE A WIFE ANY MORE".
Until SHE changes her mind, if ever, asking her to go to relationship counseling is against DB principles.
Loving her unconditionally is not. That I can do - at a distance for now. I need to love me and get myself disconnected from her before it pulls me down.
