Phil, During the weekend my goals are to do some GAL activities as well as retrying the STFU line you gave me above. You know the honesty part. Maybe I will add "regardless of what you did or did not do, I still love you and I forgive you....I believe we can battle through this. At this point however, we both have to be going in the same direction...." How does that sound? Yes I believe it in my heart....I can not understand why.
Well, John, believe it or not, I can't actually hear you so I had no idea your nose was clogged. Oh, but wait. I could have guessed b/c i remember too well how you feel right now. Unfortunately, I backslid today and lost my faith for a while and I too have a clogged nose and itchy, red eyes. It happens to the best of us. There is hope for your M - lots of hope. When she still hugs you and still misses you and still gets chugged up talking to you, there is lots of hope. Once you move out it is worse. I know it is hard living there and I thought, "I will be so much better off when I get out of all this." I was wrong. I cannot tell you enough times how wrong my leaving was. Listen to IWMIW. He is very good at this stuff! LadyDi
Good statement, generally, john. Let me clean it up. Here it is with no pressure emphasis:
"regardless of what you did or did not do, I still love you and always will....I know we can battle through anything when we both agree to go in the same direction..."
I did away with the doubt and the accusation and made your statement a bit more confident.
Quote:
I believe it in my heart....I can not understand why.
Sure you do. L - O - V - E. And many of us would say you just got your first command from God - whispered gently into your soul. This is the right thing to do. You know it. So obey the order and love your wife - not because of what she does for you ... but in spite of what she does to you.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
Ok, Here is my update...again many thanks to all. I "confronted" my wife again. in a loving way. i am paraphrasing but it goes something like this. In spite of what you may have done and in spite of the fact that you have not been totally honest, I am prepared to work through this if you are. he continued to deny everything but by the end of our conversation she all but admitted it.....her problem with me is that i am not resilient enough.
So if i could interject and give everyone a word of advice PMA and GAL no matter what. When she told me this, it caught me offguard but i could not believe that this is straight out of the book. Basically it is win her back with becoming the person she fell in love with.
Back to the conversation, I reiterated that whatever happened does not matter....my love for her wa strong enough to get me through this. Although if this was the case, she would have to get on board. She asked me to give her 48hrs. to think about it. i said take the time you need. Another point I touched on is why she texts me that she misses me? Her answer was plain and simple becasue I do. Another question I asked is do yo se yorself moving forward with this other person....she hesitated and asked me to stop but then I believe she answered (whispered) no. The bad news is she is going to MIL with D7 tommorow evening and that is NOT good. Not a positive influence at all. So I have the next 48hrs. to do a REAL 180. It's now or never....i finally know what I need to do....maybe it won't win her back this weekend but I know what needs to be done...it was spelled out in the DR book all along. PMA PMA PMA
So if i could interject and give everyone a word of advice PMA and GAL no matter what...Basically it is win her back with becoming the person she fell in love with.
Yes!!! She didn't fall in love with paranoid and obsessive John...go back to being the real you, the person she fell for. And love her and treat her with love at the same time.
Now you know what to do, you can do it.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
My W and D7 have just left the house for some afternoon shopping followed by supper with MIL. Of course I was not invited to either event....W seems rather angry today. Does not look good for our conversation tommorow night. Well, I was out of the home most of the morning but can not shake off the mopes when I am home. D7 asked us why I was not going....W quickly interjected that it was just a woman thing. D7 said she misses me....which is odd since W was away for a week. As much as I know i need to resolve this, I can not seem to shake off a general malaise. I guess i will go out and see some friends.
Losing custody rights to D7 would kill me. I will definately consult a lawyer before making any physical move. I also believe that children need both parents. Unfortunately my W does not think that is very important right now. She has other priorities. Quite honestly, I think that me and my family (parents, sister etc.) have much better values than my wife and her .........well let'S just keep it at her familly or people will say that I am angry. One day if someone thinks it is pertinennt for me to describe in one sentence each member of my wife's family....you will not believe it. Come to think of it, perhaps it would shed a little light on who she is. I always held on to the belief that my W was different. Although I love her still, I have to admit that she did not get too much help developing values.
