So the fight you had with your H is not uncommon. In the begining of my seperation I had them all the time. It would be about the smallest things. Mostly they involved little things with my son regarding clothing sizes and haircuts. We progressed to things like bills and money, but they all seemed like very trivial arguments especially given the fact that we were sepererated and theoretically we should not have been arguing. That was the point of seperating so that we no longer had to argue. I have a couple of theories on this. First off, when you react you show that you still care. As they say the opposite of love is not hate, it's ambivalence. When you fight they know they still effect you. Fighting also gives them a reason to justify what they are doing. Your husband sounds so much like mine so let me tell you how your sitch may go down. In the begining he will be on his own for a bit and he will miss you. He might call or come around more, but don't be thrown off. You might think he wants to come back, but as soon as you reciprocate he will run away again. What will most likely make it hard for you is the fact that you have kids. He will use the kids as a way to keep one foot in the door. It's very hard to heal when you are faced with seeing your H daily. I don't know about your H, but mine still kind of comes off as a nice guy ( I don't know how nice I think he is for doing this). He comes by everyday to see his kid, he pays the bills, he takes our S two days a week. It all seems so nice on the surface that you kind of forget about the hell they are putting you through. Your H like mine will go through these periods of being a nice guy. He will show his old self, but as soon as you take the bait he jumps back. You will get tired of this after time. About three months in you will still hurt and still be sad, but it won't be as frequent. The best thing to do is really back off and give him space. Don't give in to the arguments. I honestly think it is going to take him the 6 months to come around, but I do think he will. The one thing I can say about my H is deep down inside he wants to do the right thing. He fuc-ed up along the way, but I think ulitmately he is trying to make things right. I would bet it is the same for you. The trouble I am beginging to have is that I am starting to get really angry. I am starting to feel like his feelings are the only ones that matter. Forget about my happiness or how damaging it may be to my son. My husband being happy seems to be paramount and I am now starting to wonder if I want someone like this. I think what he is doing now is the ultimate act of selfishness. Maybe I am entering the angry stage of grief.
