I know i have to set some boundaries, but i also know that H tm and calling me means he is not calling MOW. I know...childish isn't it. Part of his old spew was he didn't feel I cared about him. That everyone else came first. Not true, but in his mind it was. When I don't answer him .....i can tell he is thinking that. Distorted but.....Anyway, I will keep it brief, but I don't know if I can ignore it. What do you think?
Got up early today to take s15 to swim. (that was after a 3 am call from a blocked #)I then went to an 8 am appt. at the nicest salon in town to treat myself to a new hairstyle....one I really can't afford, but felt like I needed to do for me. I keep doing for everyone else and now it was my turn....selfish I know but ...
After I took d12 to the eye dr. H called and left a vm for me to let him know when we would be home because he wanted to see d12. I called on our way home and he came by about 1 1/2 hours later. He said he had errands to run. Whatever.
When he stopped by he looked so tired. He complimented my hair. THe first time in probably over 2 years since he said anything about my appearance. He told me that he has a job interview (for a real job) next week. It is for a food service supplier ---I think making calls on businesses. I am not sure.
He didn't seem too excited about it. He said it was hard because he loves this bartending gig he is doing. He wasn't even sure if he would get the job.
So, of course me, who tends to over analize...is thinking either a) he is doing this for MOW because he had told me months ago she hated his job and wanted him to get a new one with benefits (so he can push the D and not need mine...this part is my assumption)
or b) perhaps he is doing this for us. So he has a job his son can respect. I doubt it is b but I will stop trying to figure it out and let God handle it. Perhaps his therapis is helping him sort through this.
H has never had a job that he was happy doing ...except when we had our business which we closed right before the crisis. He loves the bartending thing, but is not making enough money to support himself or us.
I think in order for him to start working on himself...he needs to not feel like a failure. All of his siblings are college educated and have great jobs and so do their spouses. H ...quit college and has bounced around (just like FIL).
Anyway, had to get this out here and out of my head. I just have to pray to God that MOW is not the goal, but I also have to set my expectations at 0.
Anyway, d12 and I just got back from the Mall. Didn't buy anything (need to wait for payday) but holy cow....the sales are great. H called to ask me a ? while we were out and asked where we were...and I told him the truth...Victoria Secret. Gave him something to think about....even if we didn't buy anything.
We then bought fixings for s15's fav dinner ....and cooked it together. Tomorrow d12 has a swim meet....then the Giants game. H has to work so he said he would be by before to see d12. Whatever. We shall see if I hear from him tonight....but I won't hold my breath.
Snodderly, I appreciate your advice and will keep the contact short at night.
