Marriage requires work and committment from BOTH spouses. It works because the devotion we have to each other serves to remove the desire to give up and walk away from our thought process. The LOVE, which is our commitment NOT our feelings, drives us to do anything we can to help the one we value above all others to find healing.
I see what you mean. I can honestly say she didn't do that for me. What does that mean? That she didn't truly love me? I don't know.
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So no Frank, she does not get a free pass just because of your struggles. In fact, she gets a heavier 2x4 because if anything, she is the HEALTHY one now and she has a COMMITMENT to you and your life together. A commitment that she has chosen to abdicate.
I get it. Thanks for this explanation.
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These ideas of what marriage is and what it's all about are the very things that drove each of us to THIS place. Because each of us felt these ideals deep inside, and thought our spouses did too. We came here because we were stunned to find out that the one who pledged their life to us,
....for better or worse ....in sickness and health ....for richer or poorer
had somehow decided that those vows were not so binding any longer.
Thanks Bill. I'm slowly allowing myself to see her in a new light because of help from people like you.
I almost want to e-mail her these posts. Not a good idea though as it comes off as 'guilting her'. It's too bad that we find ourselves in these places. I truly believe I need to let her go, keep working on myself and my financial / spiritual situation, and she will do whatever she will do.
I'm hopeful that I will end up where you are, with a clear understanding of what REALLY matters and perhaps the love of a woman who is CAPABLE of real love and devotion. I now know that I will do better in life if I do NOT expect a wife to be my savior when I'm beat. That support comes from friends and support groups in general.
I know I'll get there, and it'll be great when I do. One day at a time. One day at a time.
