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Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because s/he is hurting and scared.

W has cooled off considerably these days and I can talk to her directly instead of thru' e-mail and the kids. My fear is that maybe W has overcome the guilt, fear and negativity, and is quite comfortable where she is emotionally and financially. For example the kids tell me she has a 42" HDTV which we never had before. Perhaps her cooling off comes from association with "enablers" other than the OM - like the divorced woman she hangs out a lot with and others at her workplace rather than from my changes. She'd stopped going to church after she filed the D and still stays away. These are all bad signs.

Regardless I will continue with the LRT and the validation and try to be patient but now I feel the need to "read the tea leaves" correctly and move things to the next level if possible. I feel I need some goals and to make sure I'm making progress in the right direction. I don't want to be enabling W to go along the D path by what I'm doing. For example I'd like to see the day when W will mention R or even invite me into her apartment for some reason or at least initiate a meeting with her for some reason.

Is there anyone else in a very similar sitch? I hope more wise DBers in addition to lanzo will read my sitch and HELP!!!!