She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

Yesterday was a really good day here. After work I went to the gym. We were running a bit late for going out and W seemed a bit agitated by this. We didn't argue but she seemed to question everything I was saying and doing.

Even so, we went out, kids and all, and things were nice. W spent a lot of time in another part of the house watching the kids play a game. I spent most of the time in the kitchen with the rest of adults.

During the times we were both together the interaction was fun and friendly. We joked with each other and the other couples.

At around 11:00 the hostess had to run out to pick up her daughter. My D13 went with her and W told me "when D13 is back, we should get going, I have to work in the morning." I told her that was fine.

When D13 came back W told me we had to leave. I told her that I would like to finish my beer real quick and have a cigarette - I was in the middle of a discussion on the deck with a couple of women (friends). W kept poking her head out asking if I was ready to go. As I was opening the door D11 poked her head out - W asked her to check on me. I was out there for 10 minutes, tops.

So the conversation on the drive back home was upbeat with the kids but almost non-existent between me and W. We got home and she was ignoring me. This is where I slipped up...

I went downstairs and she was on MySpace. I said "Are you kidding me?" and walked away - real mature, I know. I was upset that I felt pressured to leave the party (I understand she had to work but the constant poking over that 10 minute period got to me).

She came upstairs grabbed her blankets and pillows from the bedroom and set the couch up. She said "Okay, so now I'm not allowed to check MySpace to see if my brother <visiting from Germany> sent a message about plans for the weekend. I never should have moved back into the bedroom because suddenly you have all these expectations. It's confusing things again. You were making comments all night long and, oh, if I opened my cell phone once tonight you would have given me a rash of sh@t but there you are texting all night."

I know I shouldn't have made the comment about seeing her on MySpace but I let it get to me. I should have bit my tongue and let it be - detach. I apologized but asked her to understand why I made the comment (she spends a LOT of time on MySpace, filling out surveys and stays up VERY late doing it). She didn't want to talk about it.

I explained that I didn't feel that I made any comments to her that should have upset her during the evening so I asked her to tell me what comments were made. She didn't have any examples but "it happened".

I told her that I used my cell phone twice that night. The first time was to call my boss's boss because SHE suggested it - we just found out that our friend got a job at his friend's restaurant. The second time was when I tried to send a picture of one of the guests to a friend of mine - they look very similar.

So I don't know what's going on. Maybe we're just a volatile combination anymore. I've posted before about how anytime we have a good day/night together, her mood ends up in the crapper. I don't know if this is another one of those situations. I think it could have something to do with my rediscovered confidence and lack of willingness to bend to her every whim:

- In the past I would have skipped going to the gym because I knew time would be tight, or I would have skipped dinner so I could get a shower before going out.

- In the past I would have jumped up and left as soon as she said it was time to leave the party.

- In the past I would have been with her for a majority of the time at the party.

I know that she needs to see me as being confident and not allowing myself to be walked all over. When I do these things it just pisses her off and I feel I push her farther away. Maybe my technique needs work. I just don't know where the right balance is.