Why won't you? When would it be 'ok' for her to leave this marriage and get the support of the posters who are getting down on her?
I don't know about anyone else Frank, but this is how I see it.
Your "abuse" of her was not really abuse at all, but difficulties that you were experiencing and trying to handle perhaps the wrong way. You didn't nurture her perhaps as you think you should have, in part because you were a mess inside too.
In a REAL marriage, this is not abuse. It is also not an excuse to seek out other men for a fulfilling relationship. It CERTAINLY is not an excuse to bail on the marriage all together.
Marriage requires work and committment from BOTH spouses. It works because the devotion we have to each other serves to remove the desire to give up and walk away from our thought process. The LOVE, which is our commitment NOT our feelings, drives us to do anything we can to help the one we value above all others to find healing.
Your wife has no grounds for quitting.
She has no grounds for having affairs, emotional or physical.
She has no grounds for talking you down amongst her spiritual friends.
She has no grounds for divorcing you.
So no Frank, she does not get a free pass just because of your struggles. In fact, she gets a heavier 2x4 because if anything, she is the HEALTHY one now and she has a COMMITMENT to you and your life together. A commitment that she has chosen to abdicate.
These ideas of what marriage is and what it's all about are the very things that drove each of us to THIS place. Because each of us felt these ideals deep inside, and thought our spouses did too. We came here because we were stunned to find out that the one who pledged their life to us,
....for better or worse ....in sickness and health ....for richer or poorer
had somehow decided that those vows were not so binding any longer.
Just MY humble opinion.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
