You guys just won't 'let' her be an 'abused' wife, will you? That's how she sees herself. That's how her friends see her.
That, and she has 'outgrown' being with Frank, the guy who used to be a fun person, but became down, angry, medicated with alcohol. Unreliable.
Why won't you? When would it be 'ok' for her to leave this marriage and get the support of the posters who are getting down on her? I'm asking only because I think I am 'getting it' and I want to know what the 'line' is.
This is called "all or nothing thinking". You blame yourself as I did that we caused all this through our actions and addictions and therefore they had the "right" to leave.
But what we forget is that EVERY relationship takes at least two people.
I agree we fu*ked up. But so did our partners. To say she is 'abused' or 'outgrown' is the 0/100 look - zero her fault, 100% your fault.
That is not only emotional, it is just not logical.
I will not bash your W, and neither are others. The board is pointing out the 50/50 look - that she has done things and is doing things that have not and are not helping.
Maybe I am old, but I believe that if you commit to a M and a family that you try to do everything you can to make it work. You try everything before making a decision to split. THAT is when it is 'ok' to leave.
She was a WAW and now appears to be one again? Is that working all the options? Has she done everything? Not.
This was posted to me frank about my xW:
Quote:
She wants you to be happy for her and pat her on the back. For what? Being a brave girl, getting the D, getting her independence, going it all alone no matter who gets hurt ... it takes more bravery to stay and try to make things work, but obviously she doesn't want to do that.
Your W is the same with the quiting, selfish behavior. The sign of a weak person hiding behind her "spiritual" and her friends.
'Abused'? I think not.
But also ask: have you done everything? Again, food for thought.
