I cannot split my disbursement from my Army check to two accounts, so it goes into our joint account.
I would write a check monthly and put it into that account.
1. How would you handle writing a check for the account while you are in Iraq? Do you both work from the same checkbook?
2. Although you said the Army won't split your disbursement, once the check gets to your joint account can you set up an automatic withdrawal to a separate account?
3. Where does your wife's paycheck go? Into the joint account, too?
I have never done online banking, but many here have suggested that to you. I know you want to get a handle on where the money is going. You could ask your wife to send you the monthly statements or arrange for the bank to do that. Do you have an email address for the bank? It seems so confusing since you are so far away! I would just ask for the information in a objective way. (Such as: "Please send me copies of the monthly bank statement"; (don't say "I know you want a divorce so I have to start saving so I don't live in a dump")
It seems to me that you have the right to ask for details about how the money is spent. What did the remodeling cost? If your wife does not want to cooperate with giving you details on how she is spending money from the joint account would you be able to change the place your Army check goes? (i.e. set up a new account and YOU write the monthly check to her for household stuff). IT IS YOUR MONEY! You are not trying to take it all away from your wife, but you need to have your fair share. Mostly you need to know what you have/don't have.
My only suggestion (looking at it from your wife's point of view) it might be a blow to all of a sudden have $1,000 less to spend. The first check you write could be for half that amount.
(I would also suggest keeping copies of requests you have made re. finances in case you need that in the future).
