Must have missed your previous post. I tell you I feel such a kinship to you b/c our husbands sound soooooooooooooo much alike. You and I also seem to have similar ways as well. I would be upset by the car thing. I posted the other day about my H taking out a personal loan (in his name) to pay off our credit card debt. Perthaps not a bad thing in the long run, but again more change. I never voiced to H my true thoughts on why what he did bothered me, but the reality is that everything they do now is internalized and b/c of the sitchs we are left wondering what their real motives are. They could be toally harmless, but the point is we have been on such an emotional roller coaster that it is hard to know weather we are coming or going. Any change or big decsisions makes you wonder why they are being done. They either don't quite know what they are putting us through or they don't care. I am inclined to think that they don't care. I am very much like you when it comes to dealing with my H. I don't voice my true opion because he shuts down. My true fiesty self left early on in the marriage because I knew that everytime I dissagreed with H to avoid conflict he would shut down and to avoid him shutting down I often just let alot of things slide. Part of the problem with that is resentment builds up on both parts. I found myself catering to H many times because I was afraid if I did not he would go into his shell and he was so good about it that it might be days or weeks before things were right again. I just became this passive fool bending over backwards for him. No wonder he probably lost alot of respect for me over the years. This won't happen again. I lived in fear of him shutting down so much he would want to leave and he did. They talk about GAL and it really is important. I have been seperated for 3 months now and I have finally built up a network of friends. I like hanging out and if things work out with H this is not something I will be giving up. It is hard to GAL with kids (I have a little one 2), but try. Money is tight for us so I don't have sitters, but my friends know that many times if we are just going to dinner or to the mall or hanging out at someone's house my sidekick will be right there. H does not have to know I am bringing my S. I get dressed up just the same. He assumes s is going to my mom's. You will start to feel better now that you are working. It is going to hurt in the begining, but you will have work to distract you. I would not get another car now. I would tell H that there is the real possibility of this sepearation ending your marriage. You don't want to take on another expense in case you have to go it alone down the road. Tell him you will consider it in 6mths if you both decide that he is returning home. I stress the part about you both deciding because I think our spouses think that this is all about them right now and to some degree it is, but I don't think they realize that seperation gives everyone time to think. It is quite possible that you may not want him back when he decides to return. I think about this myself. I want H back, but the further along we go the more I feel like I don't trust that I won't be in this situation again. I am willing to take that chance now because it is still fresh, but I might not want to months down the road.
