Separated - how much contact should you have?

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Brita..how are you doing?

No..I also dont know where my BF is, I think I know where he is staying, back home with either his Mum or brother, but he could be back down here where we moved to, staying with work mates. He hasnt let me know all along! You know, my BF does sound alot like your H. Poor us ! You said...

He has never been able to talk about his emotions and I always knew that he had a lot of issues with his parents divorce. He was 15..

My BFs parents also divorced when he was 15..apparently the divorce "hit him really hard", but I only found this out recently from his Mum. (He also professes to love her, but barely speaks to her or makes excuses to avoid her, like your H.)

By the way, H's relationship w/ Dad was always strained except for the last several years.

Again, my BF had the same, until a few years ago when his Dad had a stroke and they grew closer.

Fast forward to Nov 07 when I got the bomb dropped, he said he wasn't in love anymore and he felt like he had to get away. I was shocked!

Again, same here, Nov 2. I also was shocked. Said he didnt love me anymore and just wanted to "be by himself".

Since he moved out 3 weeks ago, we have not had any normal conversations about seperating. Everytime we do, he starts pacing and seeming anxious and says he has to go and he just doesn't have any answers for me.

Again, thats what my BF said, he gets agitated and says he has no answers for me. He hasnt mentioned anything about our complicated joint finances since he left, its like he cant face talking about anything that involves responsibility, or me. Like I said, I dont even know where he's staying or working. He may even have found a flat by now, but I dont know. I guess for him, its just over, he doesnt love me anymore..for me, I am still in love with him and wondering where he is and if hes ok.

I think...they really dont have any answers. I guess in time, looking back with the benefit of hindsight, they will. Everyone here says that it takes ages, months...Its so hard when you're in the eye of the storm though.

He has now NC me since New Year. I wonder how you are getting on? I'm sorry I cant offer advice like others here, I'm new to this and still trying to get my head around it, like you I guess! All I can say is, I think I know what you're going through...

Ali