Losing her? What exactly is she giving you, other then conditional love? You don't want her as she is. She needs to step up to the plate. Maybe she will, maybe she won't.
You guys just won't 'let' her be an 'abused' wife, will you? That's how she sees herself. That's how her friends see her.
That, and she has 'outgrown' being with Frank, the guy who used to be a fun person, but became down, angry, medicated with alcohol. Unreliable.
Why won't you? When would it be 'ok' for her to leave this marriage and get the support of the posters who are getting down on her? I'm asking only because I think I am 'getting it' and I want to know what the 'line' is.
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It seems like several things were missing in your lives. For one, you didn't have couples that were friends of the marriage. That is, they were both your friends and committed to knocking sense into either one of you if you strayed. Second, you seem to be missing friends you can see on a regular basis, Frank. You had your wife, your kids and HER friends.
Yes. that is absolutely true. That's all we had / have.
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Well...time to start building a community around you.
Yes, that used to be the way it always was - I surrounded myself with friends, that was my 'family'.
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And...I think, Frank, you might consider AmyC's insights about the undercurrents of your wife's spirituality. I'm not talking about squishy energy fields, I'm talking about malevolent spiritual forces that encourage her to do one thing and one thing only: make herself the the only person she answers to. It seems enlightened, but it's deep and dark magic. When self-actualization and "growth" are disconnected from commitments to others and to Truth, then all things become acceptable. I don't think your wife is communing with God.
This bothers me a lot. I agree with your observation, but if you were to meet her you'd think of her as being a pretty 'regular' person. VP of the Band boosters, hard working massage therapist with her 'spiritual' stuff being sort of a 'sideline'. She is pretty normal. It's the 'self seeking' that she does in the 'new age' realm that 'tells' her that it is 'ok' to 'move on' when staying is too painful.
I don't think she is 'communing' with God either. The lady at our 'church' (Dee) thinks the same thing, she thinks she is looking for something. Dee says 'leave her alone, this is her issue she has to resolve'.
