Having trouble not "pursuing"...

[CrossedFingers]

Hello all!

I'm new to this forum, and could use some advice. My W and I have been separated since last July, temp at first, with a rather rocky rollercoaster of a ride...

I wish I had read Michelle's book back then- I would have avoided oodles of mistakes! Came to a head last November when W told me he really didn't see us ever getting back together. That you "need to want to be with someone for a long time", and there "needs to be a physical attraction between people..."

I was devastated, and became so angry that I asked for her wedding ring back, gave her mine, told her to hock it if she wanted, and proceeded to throw away the one she returned to me, in her presence. Then I stormed off. Smart, eh? Ha! I filed for Divorce a few days later.

I spent the next month and a half crying in my beer, and actively wanting to hurt her the way she hurt me- I went so far as to try and turn in the married man she had dated prior to our separation to his wife by phoning their house a number of times. There was fire in her eyes when she found out...

Finally, around new year's, I got so sick and tired of the anger and bitterness inside me that I just had to stop it! T'was driving me nuts. I'd been doing a lot of soul searching, and finally came to the realization that I was far from blameless in her decision to leave- and I realized that what I truly wanted was to make this work for us, for the kids, for the future.

So- I ripped up the divorce papers, and never had her served. She was stunned, and I think a bit teed off at me for putting her thru all this. (Can't say I blame her) I started researching the web, ran into Michelle's book, and have read it avidly.

I know I need to make dramatic changes myself. And at least we are communicating again. She still tells me she's looking toward the future, but she understands why I lost it the way I did...

Now, my question is this- Is it always wrong to "pursue?" I know I can't seem needy and whiny and doing it only because I can't live w/o her etc... (I know I can live w/o her if it really comes to that, but I really believe the magic can be there again, that we have not yet really worked hard at solving our probs...)

So, when should I perhaps start "pursuing" by occasionally buying her flowers, perhaps getting her a birthday gift end of this month, things like that. Doesn't a woman sometimes want to be pursued?

Help! Especially from you women- what's your take on this?

thanks in advance!