I kind of agree with what fooled says. W knows your stance on your marriage, but I think anytime you can spend with your W can be good. Listen to what she says, hard to do. The last time I talked to mine she finally opened up and told me a few things that pushed her away. I hope next time she will say more and I will do a better job of listening and not defending myself. Try to listen to what she says, not the words but what she means. Try to show her a different side of you, talk of other things than the D.
fooled,
I think you put into words exactly how my W has felt. Most of her friends she has made while we've been married she met through the kids, girl scouts, soccer, pta. I haven't talked politics to her in years, she always agreed with me, what was the point. Maybe when I gave my views she saw my words as putting her point of view down or not taking her seriously, I don't know. My W said in MC, she doesn't know who she is, what she wants, has any outside hobbies or interests. She says we grew apart and thinks D'ing will get her the things she missed. I think we should explore new hobbies together. I told her last summer I'd like to get a bigger bike this spring and join a group that takes a trip once a month for a weekend. Another was taking dance lessons, I'd love to learn how to jitterbug or salsa dance with her, but she thinks she is too uncoordinated. But I know she needs to have her own things also.
I talked to S25 tonight about I might spend the night or weekend with Aunt Cindy, for him to call his sisters to "try to find me", that I haven't been home all weekend. If it gets around to my W she'll have to wonder where I've been, if I'm moving on without her. Or will that validate her actions on the D. She'll think I'm ok with it, I have moved on.
Welcome Lian, I'll have to read up on your sitch. I agree that you might be overdoing it. If she thanks you for doing them, do them again, if she doesn't don't do it again for a few days.
HHIF,
My W and I never fought either. That might be part of why we are where we are. She did things that would upset me and I would just hold to myself and bottle it up, stew about it. I'm sure I did stuff that upset her also, she kept it to herself also. The little resentments i guess built and built until there was a huge wall between us.
Mom got out of the hospital today, they sent her to a nursing home temporarily, where my future SIL works, until she builds up her leg strength. Right now she can't walk too far with out her leg getting tired.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
