GRRRR! H just called from Denver. Was glad he called. Talked to D for a minute, then asked to talk to S. Then he and I were talking. I told him how I was loving teaching, keeping busy, etc. Mentioned that there was no school on Monday due to MLK day (H moves into his apartment on Monday). So he wouldn't think I was waiting around, I said I was taking kids to daycare anyway and would be getting the paperwork ready to do our taxes. He asked me what forms had come so far (mortgage interest statement, church offering statement, etc.). Then he asks what I want to do with our refund!? I said, "Usually you get half to spend on your cattle business." H says not necessary this year. I say, "Then, we usually put half to paying off debt and half for a vacation, but don't know if we will take one this year." Then this happens:
M:"I want us to get you a car with the refund." My car is a 99 Accord with 175K miles on it. I said I wanted a new one NEXT spring or fall, in 2009. I figured mine would make it another 18 months and we could go without a car payment that long. Me: "I thought you wanted a new truck" (His is a 2003 F250). H: Even if I get a new truck I wants to drive your Accord to work and back bc it gets better gas mileage. Well, I lost my PMA. Me: "So, YOU want to buy ME a new car? You only want to get me a new car so you can use my old one, so you really are looking to help YOURSELF".
He started to explain his logic, then went silent (communication is his weakness) and said, "We will talk about this later." I tried to re-engage, he avoided, I asked how he is enjoying his trip, he replied "It's fine." I said, "So, are you not talking to me now, because I was disagreeing with you?" He admitted to our MC he shuts down when we have conflict bc it is easier than arguing w/me, but then he builds up resentment. So he says he just didn't want to talk bc I wasn't being logical. LOGICAL? 1)We have $7200 on credit card debt 2)He just racked up $2500 on new store card for furniture 3)He is adding $770/mo for his apartment rent So me wanting to pay down our debt is not LOGICAL? Wellllll, in the interest of DB and not ending the phone call in an argument, I told him I was wanting a new car, but the suggestion took me by surprise and he knew it always took me a minute to react to surprises (TRUE). I said I was just planning to get one in 18 months but if he thought it was a good idea I was willing to discuss it with him once he got back. I also mentioned wanting an Accord again, that I changed my mind about wanting a CR-V bc with just the two kids (we had to give our dog to friends bc she was too aggressive with our kids, the CR-V was so we'd have room for kids and dog and luggage when going back to Iowa). He said he agreed, that the Accord got better mileage and was more affordable, too. I told him we could talk more later, and I hoped he enjoyed his night--they were headed to dinner. He said thanks, and he would talk to me later. I hope that was right. I just didn't want to end the call on a negative note, bc if he thinks about me tonight or tomorrow I don't want him to dwell on a negative thought.....so I hope it was good that we ended the convo. in agreement....
