The New Adventures of Supermom...Part 3

[RedHeadWife]

Hey, girl, I've read your sitch and you're doing an awesome job considering the ages of your kids, etc.

I can so understand not wanting to let them go, especially your S, as he is so young. I think you do need to get some sort of visitation schedule in place and start allowing yourself to get out and do some things on your own. Until you start living your life like H is not going to come back and get out there and do some fun things by yourself, I don't think you are going to move forward.

As far as H not seeming to be the same person, I know exactly what you mean. My H and I are "back together" if you will, and at times he's still not the same man I married. If and when you and your H ever decide to try to work things out, and I believe you actually said this one time in one of your posts, you will be working on a new M and your H may be a "new man" as well. He may sometimes seem like the man you married and sometimes seem like a new person to you.

As far as your convo w/ your sister and all the thoughts & emotions it brought out, the best advice I have for you is that you CANNOT continue to beat yourself up for anything you feel you did to damage your M. You cannot blame yourself entirely for the break-up of your M. You need to look at what you may have done to contribute to the breakdown of your M and forgive yourself for those things and know that you cannot go back & change those things now. All you can do now is work to change those things in yourself. Then, as in the DB books, your H will truly see a change in you. That change can begin w/ your dealings w/ him on the child visitation issue. I know you have done some 180's on this issue, but sit down and figure out how else you may be able to do this. I truly do understand how hard it would be though to "let your kids go," however, if your H is going to continue the separation, it's going to have to happen sooner or later.

I'm really sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. The biggest thing you need to focus on is that DB'ing is NOT about necessarily getting your H to come back. It's about looking at you, making changes that you may need to make and becoming a wonderful person ON YOUR OWN. Become that woman that your H fell in love with again. Become that independent, free spirited, laugh-out-loud woman he met so many years ago. A lot of times, marriage and children dampen that spirit.