A mentor of mine sent me this today. It applies to both of us frank. You may recall my xW has been friendly lately and asking for help with her new house, etc. Very chatty, almost like we were still married.
But here is the other side to consider. Soul searching for me:
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Let me ask you a question wrt xW - do you feel comfortable with this, Jeff? She DOES deserve to be respected as the mother of your children - and thus civility is paramount. BUT - does she deserve to use you as a sounding board? Does she deserve to rely on your for husbandly input and support while not being married with you? Would you do this for another woman?
I cannot answer those questions, Jeff - those answers are yours only. But I do know this - were I to do this again, I'd make a huge change - I'd have thrown my xW out of the house immediately and refused to help her in the least. I look back on "all I did for her" and how poorly it was received - how much I bent and supported and accomodated - for what purpose?
Which is another way of saying, if you're going to do this, make sure it's for YOU! Not for her. Make sure the validation of your actions comes from within - and is not to be expected from xW. I am friendly and courteous with my Ex b/c that's who I am as a man - not b/c I'm trying to win her back or impress her anymore. And if she doesn't want to be my life partner - that's fine - I'll exert my energies in areas that please me - my kids and myself and others where I can give and give honestly w/o expectations.....
Look into your soul here - are you doing this for her - or for you? Believe in the answer, Jeff and live it for yourself....and if you choose to continue to help xW out - that's awesome! Truly! B/c that's who you ARE - and that's what matters most - personal integrity - being who we are to ourselves.....
