Starting to get it.... my 3rd thread

[ann25]

Hi fb2 - I do think that part of the lack of attraction comes from his insecurities, but part also comes from a lack of emotion, a lack of those in love feelings that once caused my attraction in the first place.

I think i have answered most of these before, but i think that was a couple threads ago, so no worries!

Why did H file the D? I told him ILYBNILWY. Over the course of a few days, we talked and he decided that if i couldn't give him a 100% guarantee that we would make it and be ok and be happy again, that it wasn't worth him trying. I told him i couldn't. I was scared and hurt and that I would give everything I had to working on it, but I couldn't give him any promises. That wasn't acceptable to him and he said that unless i could say with 100% certainty, that he wanted a divorce and it wasn't worth it for him. Hind sight being what it is, I would have said yes, i absolutely promise to avoid that, but i couldn't at the time.
What was he feeling insecure about before then? Is there something besides the EA that also contributes to his insecurity now?
Not sure. It started about a year (give or take) before the ILYBNILWY talk. It started slowly. Where were you? What are you doing. that gradually turned into him thinking i was having sex on my lunch breaks and stuff. To him thinking that i was actively looking for someone to replace him and that as soon as i found that person, i would just up and leave him. To this day i'm not sure what caused it, he won't talk about it. At first i did everything in the world to reassure him and then i just got to the point where i was angry. how dare he accuse me of those things when he had no reason whatsoever to think that. here were a few times i ever thought "geez, i might as well be, at least then i'd be getting sex and the yelling and name calling would be worth it", but those were thoughts in anger and not something i actually believed.
What attracted you to H in the first place?
Hi personality. We were good friends. We both played all sports. We both like video games, love music (although it took me a while to get over his country music hating... hehe) and likeaction movies. I've always been one of the guys, but he was the first guy friend i had that treated me like a lady at times as well. I fell in love with him my junior year in HS and it took at least taht long for me to really want him physically. Still, we waited another 2 years before having a physical relationship.

Thanks.... ann