When do they?

[Jen1967]

Mine admitted on Dec 27 to me to the A. I think my GAL and bending over backwards to change the things that had bothered him for the last 3.5 months did it. He has now gone to C with me, said he wants to work on M, and is getting rid of her (may have already? not sure yet). He APOLOGIZED to me for his bad behavior! He said he NEEDS me and MISSES me. What the....???
I HAD confronted him recently about getting rid of her, but that was after he finally admitted the A. Then I got down to brass tacks and backed way off, gave the message there WILL NOT be 3 of us in a marriage. Acted like I was moving on, divorce was ok with me, I'm done. Then his panic set in and the ball started rolling really fast. He has cried for the first time, truly remorsefully.

All I can say is that it wasn't the initial reaction I had back in September of cramming phone records and such in his face that made him want to work on this. It was me backing off, apologizing to him if I brought stuff up when he wasn't ready to deal with it, telling him I understand the pressure he had been under, basically showed him respect even when he didn't deserve it, for as long as I could until my stores were spent. I also got a life and did things to make myself pretty and happy. (But not so much that he thought I was happier without him.) Turns out he said, he has been wanting to see how committed I am in the marriage and didn't think I loved him anymore. My patience and kindness for 3.5 months showed him I do and that I hadn't given up.

Think about this: who wants to come home to someone repeatedly throwing in your face what a loser you are? He knows he is screwing up royally. You know he is having an A. He'll admit it when he feels you are a safe place to open up and will not treat him like an ogre for it. It is taking all of my energy to muster it up, too, so I understand. Believe me, I understand. But try to present a desirable package to him. Pretend you're trying to win over a guy you just met that is dating around.

Good luck, be strong, you can do it. It's ok to be insecure, but try not to show him that. Show you are worthy and caring and respectable.