H with MLC

[Jack_Three_Beans]

When they go dark,

You go dark, you go darker than them, let them choke on it.

[Treese]

Sooner;

I backslide so much that I've created my own Grand Canyon....I don't say ILY anymore because my H's just says "k"..I'm not going to say it and then be sad because he didn't say it back...I really have learned that one.

And "I don't want to hurt you" is part of the script....I know what you mean because they look so serious when they say stuff to you... Although my H's eyes just aren't right....something is behind them and I hope it's me.....

(((Treese)))

P. S. Jeff...I know I don't want to know but then again I do....its that fear of the unknown thing...it might give me some amunition to let go....

[lad42]

THANKS JEFF!

You're right. I really don't want the truth either. I just want H back.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You want to know AND you really do not want to know.

What you want, is for your H to tell you "No there is no one else." But more than that you want to know that he is telling the truth. That there absolutely is no one else.

So right now when they say, "There is no one else." You don't believe them, and with good reason.

You also want to be right. A sick as that sounds you want to be right about an affair, as if it will make everything make sense.
Don't get me wrong discovering an affair is a watermark here in MLC Land. It is one of the make it or break it mile markers for you.

You go through a whole range of emotions and you get set back to almost zero again. Despair, rage, confusion...all over.

Right now your imagination, is making monsters of the shadows in your closet. Those shadows aren't doing anything but hanging out. Do you NEED to turn the light on and find out if they really are monsters or just a coat on the chair? Turning the light on might expose the truth...but how comfortable are you going to be with a monster in your closet?

Sadly, get used to the idea of an affair, it is common enough.
And believe me, whatever decision you make right now about what you are going to do if your H has an OW, you are going to re-evalute it if you discover he really has one.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I really don't want the truth either.

Don't be an ostrich either. Down the road, the truth will have to come out for healing, but it doesn't serve you well right now.

[lad42]

Jack:

I do know that there is OW, her name, where she works, 3 kids, been going on for 2 yrs., etc. I found the proof (had suspision for 2 yrs.) Thanksgiving morning and H admitted to everything.

I know I let my imagination go ramped and MAYBE he isn't spending weekend with OW. I also need to just let that be.

I'd like her out of the pic so we could concentrate on R but I know he has to go down the MLC path. Maybe I'll be at the end of it, maybe I won't.

I'm living for ME know. Started new diet (lost 2 lbs.!) and started new gym.

[Treese]

Sooner and Jack;

Jack I know you are right...On one hand I want to know everything but on the other I don't want the details.. I to know who she is (an old friend of ours), I know she just got divorced, has 2 kids....and my H....
I know what I need to do, it's just getting there. But I think I am so much better than I was in the beginning..

And a lot of times I just vent on here...it gets it all out and I can go on with my day... I need to come here...people make me laugh and I'm not doing much of that at home, so if I come here and laugh maybe that will carry over to my home life and H will wonder what's up....I like being happy and my friends say they miss my smile....so goal #1 is to smile, ALOT!!

Treese

[Jack_Three_Beans]

D 15
S 10

Should be laughing alot.

Ok maybe not with D 15...but maybe at her? joke.

[lad42]

Jack & Treese:

I too like to come here and vent & get advice. I have no family where I live and would like to keep my friends and not drive them away with all my craziness. One day will be good the next I'm a basket case. I haven't smiled much since Thanksgiving and that too is one of my GAL goals.

Some days my office is my oasis and when work is over I'm crying before I get to the first stop light. I'm not wanting to go to a home where there is no chance that H will call or (if he's in town) to spend time with.

My H told me (which I thought was interesting) that it wasn't his job to make me happy and that I couldn't find my self worth through him. I've been H's wife, S19 & S15's mom, but I haven't been ME for a long time. That is another GAL goal. I need to take care of ME. I've taken care of them for 20 yrs. I am responsible for my own happiness and self worth.

If H decides he likes OW's grass better than mine then I will have to take care of my own grass by myself. That's why I'm also eating better, exercising, etc. (another GAL goal).

[Jack_Three_Beans]

his job to make me happy and that I couldn't find my self worth through him.

He is right. A husband should be concerned and assist you in those, but they are not the spouse's job.

I think you're GAL is awesome.

Tonight on the way home, go shopping or bookstore, or something else instead of right home. Find a new way home, some sort of something that you will challenge you or excite you about work being over.