Hi appleroad, Thanks for your response. I was laughing at your statement of feeling like a lovesick teenager. I feel the same way, in fact it is almost pathetic how often I check to see if he has called or e-mailed. It sounds like establishing guidelines for contact would be great, but I am not sure how my H would respond. He has never been able to talk about his emotions and I always knew that he had a lot of issues with his parents divorce. He was 15 and his Dad was 37 (go figure! doesn't that sound familiar..)when he left his Mom and said that he just didn't love her anymore and he was moving on. My H became the man of the house and I know he most likely had to take care of his Mom emotionally. She is one of the those people that says they are fine and they have this great life after her husband left her, but you don't believe it. I could tell from the moment that I met her that she never moved on. By the way, she never went out on a date or had another relatiobship and it has been 23 years! So anyway, I always thought my H was so protective of his "Ma" and loved her dearly. But now that I look back, he doesn't really ever spend time w/her. He goes to see her to make sure that she is "okay" but, everytime we are there he always has errands to run or old friends to see. I realize that I was the one spending all the time w/ her. I realize now that as long as he knows that she is doing well, he really doesn't need to be w/her. By the way, H's relationship w/ Dad was always strained except for the last several years. Fast forward to Nov 07 when I got the bomb dropped, he said he wasn't in love anymore and he felt like he had to get away. I was shocked! We had been trying to have a baby for the previous 5 months and he was so affectionate and loving. Said he just didn't "feel" it for me anymore. When i brought up the baby thing he said that he only wanted to have a baby to save the marriage. Has he lost his mind?!!!!! Do you think that I would ever have a baby with someone that I thought was on the verge of leaving?? He looked at me and said, "why would I stay married if I am not in love w/ my wife?" Isn't interesting that his Dad said the same thing?...My H hated his Dad so much during his teenage years and he never has forgiven him for what he has done. That is why I think my H is freaked out right now, he has left and become the person that he never wanted to be (by the way, I don't think he has realized this). The way that he has always handled his emotions w/ me or his family is that he just shuts down. He gets really anxious and wants to leave the room or place that he is rather than talking about things. He is on anti-anxiety medicine right now, but he says that the only 2 people that make him anxious is me and his Mom. Don't I love that!!!
So....(sorry this is so long), since he moved out 3 weeks ago, we have not had any normal conversations about seperating. Everytime we do, he starts pacing and seeming anxious and says he has to go and he just doesn't have any answers for me. By the way, when he got his own apartment, he never told me that address. I never asked, but he never told. Can you believe it? Has that happened to anyone else on the board? I feel sad everyday. I am nervous the whole time that he just wants get away and he is going to treat me like his Mom. He just going to make sure that I am okay but, never do anything to restart our relationship. If I ask him for scheduled days to talk Iam afraid that it going to come off as a demand. What are your suggestions? Brita
