Ongoing affair, D papers filed, advice wanted

[SirPrizeMe]

Are there 12 stages of grief? I don't really know. All I know is that denial is one of them, and anger is another, and the final one is acceptance.

I am sort of waffling through the stages toward acceptance. I tell you, I would really like to reconcile with my wife, for a number of reasons:

- I've spent most of my life with her and I treasure the good times. We have a shared history that I will not duplicate with anyone else.

- we have 4 great kids and I want to be able to share them, I want to have a life where I can see them whenever I like, without involving a lawyer or a mediator to do so.

- I think reconciliation would be really good for the kids to see. A great gift to my kids.

- I still have dreams of getting a vacation home, having the kids invite their friends for the weekend, going skiing, seeing them off to the prom. All that stuff becomes much harder after a divorce.

At the same time, I think she's treated our marriage and me in particular, not very well. I don't want her "at any cost". I will settle only for something much better than what we had. Much, much better than what we had.

That means if we reconcile, she will have to be a new person. I will too. She would have to look at me with less suspiscion and allow trust to grow.

But I accept that may not happen.
I accept that she can make that decision, and I cannot.

I know I would be better off single, than with someone who cheats on me, someone who hides from me, someone who cannot truly commit. I definitely don't want that.

I'm more at peace with this situation now. still sad about it, but more at peace.

Is that dropping the rope?