I continued to be coordial to W when I did see her but for the most part she didn't look at me or speak.
After taking my D17 to her meeting I came in the house and walked by W who was watching TV in her pajamas. Didn't look at her or say anything until I was on the other side of the room entering my office door. I paused and looked back at her and she has a look of, I don't know, 'nervous, fear?', not quite sure. So I turned, smiled at her and said something about D17 and made a joke. She smiled and seemed at ease.
I left the room.
Later, I came in and went to the livng room to sit and read some of "Mars and Venus starting over after losing someone". I didn't make it obvious what I was reading, it's my own business and I am reading it to grieve, to let her go, to detach, to not need her any more. It's a good book and I am getting a lot out of it. One important thing is that I realize that I haven't grieved the loss of the OTHER relationships in my life - the ones I lost due to those bad situations in the company I used to own.
I think that may be part of the healing I need to go through. He says in the book that as long as we haven't healed the heartbreak from the loss of something or someone we loved, we keep our heart protected from fully opening to love. Well, that makes sense to me because I HAVE been holding back, even more so since the affair 2 years ago.
I could see in all the reading that I can heal that, and ironically it is what I needed to do to be able to be a success again, and to love HER and have that deep, loving relationship she and I both desire. But, that can't happen with us any more because she has closed the door on it. I do have a future though, and that means there can be someone else once I heal my broken heart.
Anyway, I was really tired so when she went to go to bed around 9:30 I did too.
She was lying there on her side of the bed reading. As I changed my clothes she asks me if it's 'normal' for your ribs / side to hurt if you have indigestion or is it the warning signs of a heart attack?
huh?
She said she had gas and maybe it was that but her ribs were hurting. I told her that I often have had that and it from muscle spasms when you are tense or stressed and have indigestion. She says she had a veggie pizza for dinner and has a little indigestion.
I asked her if she wold like me to rub it for her and she said it no, it would just hurt. So I said "I'll get you some anti gas medicine to help you out" she said "You don't have to" and I said nothing and went to find it. Came back, gave it to her and she thanked me. I also saw her water glass by her bed was now empty and I filled it up for her. She thanked me again.
I brushed my teeth and got into my side of the bed and she turned off the light. A moment later she says "good night" and I said "good night" also.
About 4am she gets up, goes downstairs after closing the bedroom door. Just as a reminder she closes the door when she is going to be up and doesn't want to wake anybody by making noise.
I do hear the water run from the bathroom toilet downstairs. Maybe she's got a little bit of the runs.
Of course, I let my mind run wild a little. "She's checking her phone to see if OM sent her any text messages last night or She's sending messages telling him she is a wreck because Frank isn't being nice any more." It took me a few minutes to let that go by repeating Jeff223's mantra that it doesn't matter, she is not part of my equation any more.
I fell back asleep and around 7am the phone rings. I didn't answer it because I assumed she would. She didn't but by ring 4 my D17 did. I was curious to see who called and I looked at the phone and the caller ID was HER cell.
SO I got up and D17 was up and I asked her "did mom just call?" and she said "yeah, she wanted to make sure we were getting up for school" and I said "where is she" and she said "She says she went for a drive to the beach".
ok, now that's odd. So I'm thinking "could she meet with OM at 6am?" He's some kind of investment broker. Has texted her at 5-6 am before.
But, put those thoughts away. It doesn't matter. Perhaps she did go for a ride to the beach.
SHe came home abut 10 minutes later. Didn't look at me at first and kept herself busy emptying the dishwasher. Eventually she said 'good morning' but mostly ignored me.
Now she's gone to take the kids to school, came home, showered and left.
