She's ready to move on

[Michael Mc C]

W went to go get the kids from school so I hopped in the shower and got ready for tonight. Put on some new threads and 'old kicks' (haha, just playing with ya Jar!) and packed my gym bag. Nothing like being presentable to help the PMA!

Wife got home as I was packing up my gym bag and she said "You look good" in a very nice way, with emphasis on 'good', I might add.

I can't remember when last she said something like that. Even at Christmas, when I was wearing the new clothes she bought as gifts, she said that the 'clothes' look good. Not sure there is much of a difference for real but the comment today sure means more to me.

So I'm still feeling really good. I'm going to have a great time tonight.

Here is my prediction for my wife, however: I believe she is going to hop online and either have contact with OM and have an emotional breakdown or she is going to speak to someone about OM and have an emotional breakdown. She seems ripe for it. Of course there is the 3rd possibility that she runs into him again and they once again profess their love for each other - not very probable but definitely possible.

I am going to come home with an attitude as if everything is fine. I certainly hope it will be but with me out of the house for a good part of the evening, who can tell.

I'm not worried about it though. I hope for her sake that she is strong enough to get through this and not torment herself. If she isn't then she is going to continue getting hurt and she is going to get very little, if any, sympathy from me. At this point I do have sympathy for her to a certain degree because as her husband I hate to see her hurting.

[Michael Mc C]

It was a very long weekend, lots to catch up on.

Friday Night
Went to BIL's gym and he showed me how to properly use free weights - a bit more difficult than using the machines, and I can feel the difference!

Afterwards we went out for sushi with his GF, nephew, niece and one of their friends. Had a fantastic time. W sent me a text asking how things were going (she never does that). Around 10:30 she sent another message saying she was going to bed.

After sushi went and hung out at BIL's house for a while. His GF, who was on the phone with W when W made the comment about how I looked, told me that W was really impressed by how snazzy I was. Feels good to be noticed.

Saturday Night
W had plans to go out to a friend's house and do a lady's night. She went out around 7 and came back around 9:30 saying they were heading out to a bar instead and wanted to make sure I was okay with that. I told her that was fine and that her friends fiancee, a cop, should go in uniform to keep things in order with all the ladies. She got a kick out of that. She sent a text about an hour later saying they decided to go to another friend's house instead.

After she got back, her friend asked me to come over. She actually sent her fiancee over to get me at 2 a.m. (I couldn't drive at that time...) I had a really good time, glad I went. It's odd though seeing pictures from that night. W and I are at the same party, just hours apart. Think we would have had a really good time together but again, it was supposed to a lady's night.

Sunday Night
W and I spent the night on the couch watching TV and bs'ing. We covered a lot of different subjects, picked on each other playfully and she kept mentioning how funny I was. It was a really good time.

Wish we went to bed then though because we slowly got into discussing the relationship. Nothing horrible but it kind of put a damper on the evening. Ended up going to bed around midnight (she slept in the bed again).

All in all I had a great weekend. Very tired today though, too many late nights!

[Michael Mc C]

W was sick this a.m. Being Wednesday I have to go to the client site instead of working from my home office but told them I would be leaving early afternoon - thought I'd surprise her.

Was about 30 minutes from home and she called to tell me her older brother (step-brother), who she hasn't seen in the 20 years we've been together, was coming up to visit their Dad (bro is stationed in Germany). We knew he was out here, just didn't know when he was coming to visit.

Things got a little stressful during the conversation (for both of us) because of the short notice and the long list of things we had to do tonight. By the time we hung up, though, things were fairly smooth (I hate short notice on ANYthing). When I got home, her nephew was here unexpectedly as was one of S8's friends. Instead of dreading all of the unexpected happenings during the afternoon I walked inside, smiled at my wife, and said "Not bad for an afternoon that turned into a cluster f".

She laughed, gave me instructions about what was left for finishing dinner and she went to visit.

3 1/2 hours later, kids were just going to bed, and she came home. We sat together while she ate and she told me how good it was to see her brother - their dad is very sick. Her other brother and one of her sisters also visited. They had a really nice time and have made plans for everyone to get together at my house this weekend or the following.

I listened to her stories, joined in when I had something to add and just let her kind of run the show. We had a really nice evening considering how the afternoon had shaped up.

I know that I did the right thing by not doing "more of the same". I knew this is NOT how she wanted to get together with her brother. She wanted all of us to meet him. No sense adding more stress when she had no hand in creating the situation.

As we got up from the table and parted company she said "Hey, thank you for understanding."

That was nice to hear. She finally saw a difference in me, something unexpected.

[LL44]

"Hey, thank you for understanding."

Wow, you never would have heard that if you had been inpatient or inflexible. That's great. Good job taking a bad afternoon and turning it around, making it less stressful on everyone.

[Michael Mc C]

Went to bed last night and asked W how she was feeling (believe she has strep). She said "working on indifference."

Not at all where I was going with it, was concerned about her physical well-being. Anyway, I said "Gotcha, good night."

I guess I need to ramp-up my working on indifference (detachment) as well. Funny how that works. She needs to get over that lost love of hers and it turns out I have the same task. Never looked at it that way.

[karen43]

I've had those same thoughts too! My H and I are living together for a few months while we are fixing up, and then selling, our historic house, and it is rough, but I feel like he can see me GALing and it will be easier if his relationship with the OW ends and she is married with kids so I think that increases the chances of that affair breaking up, so I believe that is a possibility.

On the other hand, he seems to blame me right now for every mistake he has made in his life, not being a very good father, the kids being autistic, etc. and I kind of think that kind of thinking leads to his thoughts that then a divorce will lead to his life being perfect or nearly so which of course it probably won't. He and the OW will then have real relationships instead of the fantasy they have now and they'll discover they both have flaws (many many flaws in my H's case)! But my H is going to have to have all of this on his conscience, the affair, the separation, and the divorce, so he is going to have to initiate everything, is how I feel about it all, at least at this point, even if I may have to go through a lot of pain and therapy to get through it all!!! Karen43

[Michael Mc C]

Yeah, I love the WAS attitude that running away from problems will make everything perfect. Nuts!

W, kids and I are all going to a friends house tonight to play some games. Similar to last week's outing (the one where we were at the same party, just at different times) but this time we'll be going together.

One W's supportive friends will be there but I'm just going to ignore that. I think this will be a good opportunity for me to let things slide, to remind my wife how much fun we have together AND how I continue to have fun, regardless of our situation. I am far more outgoing and confident than she thinks - a lot of the things she 'believes' about me are legacy issues from when we were teenagers. It's amazing that she has lost sight of the real me.

[Dr LOve]

It's amazing that she has lost sight of the real me.

Mcc is this just her??? I don’t know about you but part of my problem is I LOST SIGHT OF THE REAL ME.

Hey at the party..... If ya got a chance Mingle and pay attention to Female guests there......HAVE A GOOD TIME BUDDY…..


VEGAS BABY 29 more days…………….

Dr Love

[Michael Mc C]

I don’t know about you but part of my problem is I LOST SIGHT OF THE REAL ME.

Nope, not just her. I lost sight of who I was as well. Still working on rediscovering and tonight is going to help a lot.

There will be plenty of opportunities to mingle with the other ladies tonight - I'm very popular with this group of my W's friends...

Hah! Maybe W wants me to go so I can hook up with one of them, get me off her back... LOL

[Michael Mc C]

Hmm. Just had an interesting text msg session with the aforementioned 'supportive friend'. She was providing some advice, sounding like she knows what she's talking about... as if she's read DR.

She gave me the following pointers:

• Don't act, be yourself and do that for YOURself
• Be flirty, but not suffocating
• You've been looking really good, W MUST be noticing
• Have fun tonight
• Let her see how much other women enjoy your company

Not bad. Pretty much what my plan was anyway. Rethinking my thoughts about this friend now... Could be one of those friends that tells friends what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. Who knows.