yes, we shall endure, Being me! Here's another one by Rumi, which I thought would be quite relevent to Dbing: "O tongue, you are an endless treasure. O tongue, you are also an endless disease" I certainly remember all those times my tongue was wagging when it should have been still!
Now, back to my neverending saga In the last two days the CB thing has not been a problem for me. Somehow I've concluded that I will just write the whole thing out of my life as she has done me! There is no point in trying to figure out what is or was going on in anothers head, it's like spinning your wheels in the mud! It goes nowhere. So, despite my silliness last night in my post (which was all in fun), I will just carry on bringing and picking up my daughter and not bother giving time for CB to interact with me, her time is done. I found by trying to be open to whatever was happening with her and not shutting her out I was hurting myself. It's no fun standing alone for even ten minutes with this little thought tucked into the back of my head that maybe she'll show up just to be social for a few minutes, I wanted to preserve something maybe just so I could say to myself "hey, it wasn't that bad, we can still chat with each other" But that is obviously not in her plans, I am history in every way, so be it! I will try not to judge as I cannot judge what I do not know. But, I can say that by hanging onto even the slightest hope of keeping our connection, no matter how minor, I am not taking care of myself in the way I need to. She's doing well for herself, I need to do well for me too. I think part of my issue here is that I'm trying to figure out women again (not just my w anymore) for the first time in about 18 years! How do you read their reactions to you? what did CB feel about me? Was I completely out in left field? Was I just an annoyance? Did she have a real caring for me? All that kind of stuff is just beyond my ability to read and know. Can you ever know that kind of stuff? When women respond to me now, and I am being way more outgoing, what does it mean? I'm not looking to date or anything like that right now, I'm just trying to find out what the ground rules are in this game I haven't played (and really didn't play that well before!) in a looooong time. I'm kind of lost. How the heck do you know if someone is interested? Duh Do I feel dumb!
In the last two days the CB thing has not been a problem for me. Somehow I've concluded that I will just write the whole thing out of my life as she has done me! There is no point in trying to figure out what is or was going on in anothers head, it's like spinning your wheels in the mud! It goes nowhere. So, despite my silliness last night in my post (which was all in fun), I will just carry on bringing and picking up my daughter and not bother giving time for CB to interact with me, her time is done. I found by trying to be open to whatever was happening with her and not shutting her out I was hurting myself. It's no fun standing alone for even ten minutes with this little thought tucked into the back of my head that maybe she'll show up just to be social for a few minutes, I wanted to preserve something maybe just so I could say to myself "hey, it wasn't that bad, we can still chat with each other" But that is obviously not in her plans, I am history in every way, so be it! I will try not to judge as I cannot judge what I do not know. But, I can say that by hanging onto even the slightest hope of keeping our connection, no matter how minor, I am not taking care of myself in the way I need to. She's doing well for herself, I need to do well for me too.
Do I feel dumb!