Ok, my DBing over the last few weeks has been horrible, ever since I found more texts to an OW (who H claims nothing physical is going on with). The contents of the texts were SO sexually explicit, involving things and other people that it just boggled my mind. DBing would have said don't confront him about the texts, but I just couldn't help it, I felt so stupid. He claims it was all just fantasy chat, nothing physical. Still didn't help me. My parents were starting to suspect something, so I finally told them that we were separating soon, saying that we had been having some problems, contributed to by both of us, and that H thought it was best to separate. Clean and clear, no specific details as to what's been happening. So H asks if I told them, and he acts upset because I didn't tell him in advance, which I didn't know I was supposed to do. I was going to tell him before he had to see them again! And then he says that by me saying to them that we both contributed to the problems (I thought by doing that I was owning my share) and that HE decided to leave makes him seem like the bad guy!!! He feels that he was pushed to his decision by me (i.e. my actions causing his lack of feelings for me), and that saying he CHOSE to leave is innacurate! I should have said "irreconcilable differences". WTF?!? In his mind he's thinking that, fine, but that's not my stance, but I'm supposed to lie to my parents? I'm hoping that they're reconcilable differences at some point, with major therapy most likely. And, its been non-stop discussions on his part about the plans to leave, and I keep getting teary- more bad DBing. I mean, literally every day he has brought something up about his plan making, from budgets, to towns he was looking in, to access to kids- its been non-stop, and emotionally draining for me. So, this morning he calls me on the way to work to tell me he's found a place to rent- a house that belongs to friends who have moved to Germany. Why did this upset me so much? I mean, I knew this was coming, and the way things have been going now for 7 months, nothing was changing or going to change, no matter what, and I am emotionally exhausted. Even when I was DBing my butt off, pre-OW e-mails and texts, he said he noticed the changes but they didn't matter. I could dance through here in pasties and a light-up thong and I don't think he would bat an eyelid!
I feel lost again, like I've fallen down and can't get back up.
Me 39 H 45 T13 M11 D6.5 S4 ILYBNILWY July 07 OW e-mails found 12/15/07 H moved out 3/15/08
