Immediately after EA, H made me have sex with him. It wasn't at gun point or anything, but I was hardly in a position to say no and i would have. It hurt like hell and I cried the whole time and he eventaully stopped. I let him do what he wanted. I know (for some reason) that he needed that. I just laid there in bed and cried. He said a simple sorry after he was done and never said anything about it afterwards and I did my very best to forget about it.
Am I the only one that noticed this? This man raped her! I do not agree with those who keep saying to do this and to do that for this man to feel better about the relationship and about himself. He is an ass and he is treating her like crap! No woman should have to endure what he is doing to her. It is disrespectful and demeaning. He is constantly punishing her and she is constantly kissing his feet to make up for her terrible sin! How much is she suppose to take? I don't think she will ever be able to do enough, be sorry enough, or give him enough sex (or I should say him force sex upon her) b/c he is not going to get past this. He doesn't want to get past it and move on. He is obsessed with it and the only thing that makes him feel better is to treat her like a piece of meat.
DomR, I am really disappointed in you advising her to allow him to "take" what he wanted until he was satisfied that she truly belonged to him. This is not quoting you but in general that is what you said. The woman can barely stand to have him touch her now b/c of the way he has treated her. I believe that she has gone far beyond what is expected and if anything is going to be left of "her"....she needs to get away from him and save herself! Perhaps time away from him would force him to wake up and realize that he needs to be the one to grow up, be a man and forgive his wife and start treating her like she deserves to be treated.
I don't know, but sometime I think the W could do everything and anything and some men would keep on telling them to do this and do that "for the husband" so he would feel good about the R. Is there anything a man could do to a woman that would justify her leaving him? Oh some will say, "Of course.....abuse would justify her to leave". Well, if he hasn't abused her already.......it's mighty close in my POV.
What if instead of the 180 that some of the men have suggested that would "help her husband"......she decided to throw the rape in his face everytime he tried to throw some reminder of her EA in her face. That would be quite some 180, wouldn't it? Maybe it would shut him up for a while. Sure, some will try to say, "Oh it wasn't really rape". Well, go back and read, again, very slowly, what Ann said.
Ann, I don't know why you keep trying to hang in there and be treated like that.....you are worth too much for this. He is destroying your self-respect and any esteem you might have.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
