1. Create that Savings account turn into Cash when you get home. 2. Get online access to your banks. Get a history of money in and out. Will take a while in your position. 3. Get a lawyer. Get a mean SOB. Divorce is fighting the muj. You got the rest of your life to make up but if you want to live 'no hill style' without the beach then continue on your present path. ( I do like my style now but it's an aquired taste) Your fault, her fault, no ones fault she is not interested in patching it up and as per your tone of the msgs will file. Since she wants the D then let her file. Unlike the US Navy who I feel will sucker punch the Iranians (drawing their misquitos in) you let her know up front what a formible opponent you will be and you will stop at nothing to win. (you may stop but that's not a card she should see). She may see the possible cost to her and think otherwise.
Hopefully since sugar did not work spice will. If nothing works you have the infrastructure to proceed.
Do you have a network of folks a your reserve center who could help with apartment hunting.
Create a proposed budget. What you can and cannot afford. Can you find something that you can walk to work, work out and such.
Expect rough times. Some of these things I did some I just wished I did.
Divorce is war. Actually it's worse than Iraq. If you can find evidence of wrongdoing (emotional, physical and so on) do it. Like a war it's dirty. Sometimes you hate yourself when you are done. I considered Iraq much easier that what I faced coming home. Hell I drank tea with people who tried to kill me and I them then we sat and talked later. I did not forgive them since it was not personal and there was nothing to forgive thus no anamosity like a divorce.
This board is correct in attempts to avoid divorce. Once you commit then I believe go all out. I did not and sometimes regret it.
When you talk to spouse keep emotion out of it. I you cannot then talk through the lawyers. If you find a lawyer is not fighting for you then dump him/her.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
But yes, once you get served, everything is locked down
I wonder if this varies from state to state. We still have a joint account that we both use. My H is still doing financial transactions (but nothing bad that I know of). One financial person came out and asked H if we were getting divorced because of the questions he was asking. H lied because he didn't want things frozen. Luckily I don't think he has done anything harmful.
Just got off the phone with D17 in Utah. After some conversation, she asked what my plans were when I came home. I stated that I didn’t know. She stated: “You know what mom’s plans are, right?” I said “Yes. To get a divorce” She responded “Right”. I said that that made me sad, but I have no choice except to accept it. She said “None of us want that, dad, except mom, and you know how stubborn she is, but you have to try and be happy, no matter what". She seemed to buy my “upbeat spirit”, but inside, every time I hear that, my brain goes blank, even though it’s been almost two years since she dropped the bomb. D17 also mentioned that D15 still seems to have a fairly serious bulimia issue, as W. talks about it with her. Ugh! All this and she wants to pile on with a divorce.
I only feel slightly nauseous these days when I hear it. Even though I know it's inevitable, it's STILL tough to accept. I CANNOT GO IN THE TANK LIKE I DID LAST TIME! As my long-time readers may remember, I tried to check out permanently in 2006 after the original bomb, using my prescription meds. I was a totally broken spirit. I was really hopeless. I think I have gotten to my wobbly feet, but it is still diffficult! Advice......?
Armour up! Your children need you! Quit the mamby pamby stuff! You are the head of the household! Get legal advice. Secure your finances. Do the best to your ability to make your children's lives the best they can be. I'm tired of hearing the weakness. A good master sergeant would kick your butt and get you to see what your soldiers need. You have two dependents. If you fail them by the gods I'll find you and make you see the light!
Now is the time to get in touch with your legal counsel and get some advice. You can't help her, FLTC, but you can help the kids. Get it done.
Alright FLTC I've been right here in your squad the whole time too just like Hill and you know we support you 110%. But like NH just said, time to "man up" a bit more, time to get prepared mentally, physically and fiscally. Time to start building you little FLTC future chest. (no not war chest but future chest, you have to be prepared to support your future)
Kudos to D17 for trying to look after her father. But son, it should be the other way around. Quite making her be the adult or parent here. I would suspect part of her issues are just that, she lost out on being a kid and had to be an adult before her "time".
Bottom line is you can't be the best d@mn company (family) commander if you aren't being the best FLTC.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
FLTC, bulimia is triggered when the person feels she has a lack of control in her life. My W has struggled with it since junior high. Basically purging food becomes the only way they feel they are in control. That's something they are able to do when they feel lost. So your W is definitely introducing events in your D15's life that will make her feel out of control. You have to be the rock in her life and maintain stability. Hold your head high, take care of yourself and your kids. It sure sounds like you are the only sane adult they can rely on and they NEED you!
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
All The LTCOL is venting. He cannot vent to his troops and we have not met his Sargent Major. He is correct in venting here and we are reacting to the negative side. Better here than infront of his troops. It's harder to send people to a sitch where they may die than to do it yourself least for me.
Uh-Rah LTCOL.
With that said this is my no nonsense kneeJerk reaction. Cause I'm a medical corpsman I take the kinder gentler side of things. I got through a repatriation (all stated harder than deployment for reservists and NG), caring for a alzeimer's inflicted parent until their death, the divorce, retirement or move away from D13, employer who lied like a rug, Katrina, X remarrying, A Navy that did not take physical care of their combatants but coddled the rear area folks, and last and least a huge drop in the standard of living.
I did not see a positive for around two years after returning and it was not for a lack of searching or trying.
Hey no worries you can do it too. Steel is refined by pressure, heat, and a pissed off E8 or E9. I'm only an E6 bustin my a$$ to make E7 so I do not count on the ass kickin of O5s.
The downturn of mental positive outlook is unavoidable in what you will face. You have us which is more that I acquired. (VA was available and I understand does very well). Don't be afraid to use the VA or contact us.
When you get back it's gonna take awhile however you made the right decision and this and the future gauntlet you will run through will prepare you for the challenges ahead.
I will suggest 1. Drink less or none at all 2. Find like minded folks if possible. Vent there or here. Not at work or among civilians. They are empathetic but can easily get the wrong message. No woman can tell me how it is to be pregnant. 3. PT PT PT 4. Start looking at where you went wrong and start researching 180s. I mean researching cause each 180 does not mean it's a better decision. 5. When it gets too dark get on a plane to the Ala gulf coast and sit by the waves in front of doc. If you bring bottles I'll hand you cups and keep the bottles in a cooler. The LFGD stand infront of the tavern. I've listened to many folks comin back from the sandbox including the Army Medical OIC who was deployed at the same FOB I was. Good 'its a small world story'
When you emerge from the deployment and it's aftermath you will come out different. Your efforts during that time will determine what you will be.
You are not going to do anything FK_Stupid no matter how dark it gets. It can get dark. It sucks when your future suddenly dims and prospects are much less than before. You ain't the first nor will be the last.
You are doing well in the From now on it's about someone else and on this forum it's about FLTC. It's gotta be about FLTC somewhere and this is as good as place. You done a good job on OPSEC.
I realize often we write here about us since it's to vent and share thus that ends my kneejerk no nosense reaction.
You da man LTCOL Uh-RAH
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
