Good morning everyone! Yup Lil, I'm up early....had to beat that damn Winnie the Pooh alarm clock to the punch
Corri, You wanted me to come over here and try to give a man's POV of the sex that you and Miss IC are speaking of. So here I am....I'll try my best
Corri & Miss IC, I don't want to piss on the fire that has been created by this web-site but personally....I didn't really draw a whole lot from it as far as technique, postions etc...and I think that is where many will get tripped up on this. What I was able to draw from the site was more along the lines of a shift in focus (mine anyways) from the typical, conventional approach to sex...which to me was "ok...what can I do to give Mr. Happy & Miss Kitty pleasure? Yea, alright..that's working..Miss Kitty is purring...keep it up...keep it up....keeeeep it up...Ahhhhhh that was nice " The entire focus of this typical approach is on the Big "O" and how to get there...a destination....an expected destination!
What I was able to pull from this new (to me) approach...there are NO expectations...the Big "O" is removed from the equation....it doesn't matter if one, the other, or both don't reach it. In fact, the site kind of advocates not having an orgasim at all ({gulp} sorry, I'm not that gung ho into that) I found it more of a connection with the whole body...her's...mine...together. Cupping a breast...watching her chest rise and fall with each breath...coming in tune with her breathing...feeling her heart beat....looking into her eyes...the look in her eyes...the color of her eyes...running my fingers through her hair...caressing a leg, a shoulder, an arm....massaging a hand....a gentle touch on her cheek....talking...sharing...laughing........just playing in the sandbox...no expectations...no destinations...no rights...no wrongs...just creating on my own...watching her create...creating together...it's ok, it's all good!
Corri, I don't know what you were looking for me to come on here and say but.....there it is. You've reduced my Kill it n' Grill it....rack em' and stack em'...happiness is a large gut pile persona into...well..{FITB}
Corri, I don't know what you were looking for me to come on here and say but.....there it is. You've reduced my Kill it n' Grill it....rack em' and stack em'...happiness is a large gut pile persona into...well..{FITB}
Oy. This thread was going really well and then somebody had to say the S word.
Be very careful with soulmates, Miss IC. Our soulmate usually comes complete with a laundry list of our expectations. "My soulmate would never do *this*, my soulmate would always do *that*." You can see that in your post. IC's Kill it n' Grill it, rack 'em and stack 'em, happiness is a large gut pile persona isn't your soulmate, but what Corri reduced that to is.
We tend to be overly let down when our soulmate turns out to be a fragile, fallible human being after all. Someday you'll be having a big fight and in the back of your mind you'll be thinking, "Why did I ever believe this bozo is my soulmate?" That's an extra layer of resentment you don't need and he didn't earn.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
That was a lovely description and it is the heart and soul of "sex" to me what is part of the dilemma that I allow myself to continue being in. I will address some thoughts about this on my thread but in essence, my HD was never a result of lemme just get my quota of "o's" - it is more a result of wanting to touch and explore this person who has chosen to share his time with me and the fact that he appears to have no such desire to do the same with me..............well, I suppose it says more about him than me but the twain don't meet thus, the dilemma. I can "o" so easily that it is kinda like driving through McDonalds - cheap and not very nutritious. Once in a while, in the right situation I can "o" in a way that is soul jarring, that is divine, that isn't about a few shudders in the nether regions etc... The only way I have ever gotten there is when my partner is as wholeheartedly involved in the process as me -not the product, the process. It isn't sex I feel I am missing out on but connection at that level.
Ann - I urge you to find your happiness. No, it isn't about the website. The website gives another way to explore sex and to explore yourself and your partner. I would love to have the opportunity to do just that.
Corri- thank you. For me, at least before, it was never about the "O". I rarely had one and honestly didn't mind. I just enjoyed it for what it was. I loved your sandbox comparison. I think that's exactly how it should be. Now if i could get my H to think that same way. H has some pretty firm preconveiced notions of what sex should/n't and could/n't be. No lights on. Not in the morning. No toys or different position. No talking really. Not sure why, he doesn't really even want to talk about sex in general. We were each other's first, so that probably plays a part in it, but i almost feel like he's not completely comfortable with me. It's hard. Now, my focus is on him 'finishing' and then we can be done. I hate that.
Not sure how i feel about the attraction thing. I think that my attraction for H is so totally connected to how i'm feeling about him emotionally that it's hard to find anything physically to focus on. i have issues...
Miss IC - Thank you for the link. I'm not looking for positions or specific things to try. I'm looking for something more intangable, i think. Maybe just like this, (i'll check it out later). I've got books about just about every aspect of sex there is. I was kept very sheltered from it growing up and once i got interested in sex, i read everything i could get my hands on.
IC - That's awesome. Sometimes i wonder if my H even has that in him. I'm sure it's there somewhere, the ability to push aside all previous ideas and goals of sex and just be in the moment together, i just don't know how to get it out of him.
Cemar - i agree with you. I think there are things he wants to do and try, but he won't share that with me. It's always just, things are fine the way they are. I used to ask him, but it could be amazing. He'd just say, he happy with it now.
Thanks everyone! i really need to figure out what i want and need and just do that. I'm afraid that i'm closing off the emotional connection part for lots of different little reasons and don't know how to get past that.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
" The entire focus of this typical approach is on the Big "O" and how to get there...a destination....an expected destination!