As you know, my husband and I are recovering from his infidelity. I’ve been doing what Tempest suggested (i.e., making lists). This works—give it a try.
I made an observation that’s made a tremendous difference in our relationship. When he admitted the affair, I threw out questions left and right. I really did and still do feel I have a “need and right to know.” But as we were talking, I noticed he got very tense and uptight. At first I thought, “screw you! You deserve to be uncomfortable and feel humiliated.” But then, our conversations came to a complete halt. Other times when I would think of something to ask and asked him, it didn’t work. I witnessed my husband getting moody and quiet. Well, I certainly didn’t want to go there again. So I decided, not to ask any questions, make comments, or refer to the affair outside of the counseling session. It took a couple of days, but I noticed my husband was relaxing in my presence. It seemed that he was no longer “waiting for the other shoe to drop” or “on guard.” I mentioned to him that I wanted to talk about the affair but I would prefer to do so with our counselor. I asked him what he thought about that idea. He agreed. Now, we have a plan. Of course, our next session may be just like the one you had the other night. But I’m determined to rise above my husband’s infidelity. Oh I’m hurt, angry, and sad but I refuse to let the OW make me look out of control. I want my husband to realize “wow, I married a great woman.”
