Starting to get it.... my 3rd thread

[Dom R]

This was him more asking about other times. For instance, i'm doing dishes or getting something out of the fridge and he comes up behind me and squeezes something, slides a hand down my pants or grinds himself up against me etc..
....
It all feels like it's just his way of saying "MINE".

well, here's where I have something on your side....

In his mind, you had an affair. you betrayed him.
To help him recover from that, it's important that you GIVE him, ways that make him feel like you are "HIS".

Rejecting him, and fighting him on this, or resenting him about a RE-action, to your action, is going to drive you apart.

The fastest path to healing his side of things, would be for you to try to force yourself to do a 180. To accept, and even welcome these things. To validate him. To say "yes, I am yours".
That would majorly help rebuild up feelings of trust with him, and help relieve his insecurities.

The more you fight it, the more he probably feels he needs it, and so the more he will do it.
Contrariwise, the more you go with it, and validate him.. the sooner he will feel reassured and mellow out with it.

If you are right about him doing it to feel the "MINE" factor, that is.
If it's just because he's horney, that's different but I think you could be right about your first feeling there.

I told him, it's not even so bad, but everytime it's the same thing. If he would come in and give me a little kiss and hug instead everyonce and a while, i probably wouldn't be so put off, but the other stuff. I don't know what would make me feel loved. I think i really need to figure that out.

sounds like you just told him.

Maybe the best thing would be if he could do both on a regular basis

And I think again, the "puppy training factor" could be put into effect.

The next time he grabs you, try asking him, "gimme a kiss, sexy".
Then, he will.
Which may also help you feel better.
Ask for what you need, and you will likely get it. Just as long as you are "asking" in "right now" mode.
(sense a trend in my posts to you? )

I told H last night that if he wanted to see a C that i could help him find one. He said MC didn't work. I told him that I understand that he feels that way. I was talking about just for him because I was thinking of going again on my own to help me and if he was interested, I'd help him, he should just let me know. he didn't like that, but he really needs it and i said it, so oh well.

If he doesnt want to see a counsellor, then you telling him effectively, "your head is messed up, you need to go see a professional"... is a major insult to him.
I think it would be best if you completely dropped that whole line of things for him. Yes, you think it would benefit him. The thing is, if he doesnt think so, or doesnt want it, then he could sit in front of one for hours, and get nothing out of it.
It's his choice. you cant "make him go", and even if you could, you wouldnt get the results you would like to see.

Best to drop it, and work on you.
You can only control you.