I tell myself this time it's different. She is acountable for her whearabouts. She is not making excuses to "go out" She is not claiming to spend the night at her "friends" house. when I spend the weekend with the kids, She goes to Her familys house, This is true. So there's No psyical "affair" happening that I can tell. She tells me point blank. If there was she would use it to get me to react. I know she would throw it in my face if there was anything there She would use it to get me to fly off the handle. She says That door has been slammed shut, Never to be opened again. She really screwed him over last time and left him with a thousands of dollars in bills along with a ton of other headaches, Broken heart etc... Whaaaa.... She claims he hates her..
Mike, look, I hate to rain on your parade. I know how you feel about emotional and physical affairs. But... the thing is, it is the emotional attachment that is the damaging one, the dangerous one, whether or not there is sex involved. You may wish to take comfort in the idea that there is no ongoing physical affair. That is good in itself. But... and I hate to say this... that is not the whole story. If she has been unfaithful to you before, on the phone, professing love to this man, if she has done this before, then you have seen that she can lie to you, deceive you. I know this hurts. I know you don't want to see it or acknowledge it. I know you want to believe the deception is over. But she has demonstrated that she can lie to your face.
If you choose to believe her now, do so carefully. She can assure you "there is no ongoing physical activity", but that may too be a lie. I know. I have been there. Also, it may be irrelevant, if an ongoing emotional affair is continuing.
I'm not telling you this because I am some cynical, bitter person. Ok, a little... kidding! but seriously.... I am telling you because the reality of the situation is, she's a liar. Ok, there. I said it. She lies to you. She has done it before. Until she comes back, ALL THE WAY BACK, she will lie to you again. You will want to believe. But you should be careful.
I hate how harsh this sounds, but it is true. She will lie to you about her intentions. She'll accuse you wrongly, and she knows it's wrong. She'll blame you for things SHE KNOWS are not your fault. She will lie to herself without even knowing it. The lies become indistinguishable from the truth. The dishonesty is like a cancer. It gets everywhere.
Be careful when placing your trust in what she says.
I am not saying that she is a bad person. Only that, lies are par for the course. I am not saying this judgmentally. it's just true - people who have affairs - emotional or physical - are liars. They are dishonest, and they cannot just "turn it off". It takes a long time to get back to the truth.
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I just can't understand WHY????? she continues to contact him? I tell myself there just venting to each other. Then I tell myself she's trying to mend the relationship with him so He'll take her back.So she can Step out of our marrige to her waiting limosine.
Read up on mid life crisis. Here's a useful thread. (I found the first post to be interesting and insightful, then things sort of deteriorate from there.)
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
