I've been avoiding this thread because I'm in my cynical phase, but I have to say that I think you are asking the wrong question here:
Quote:
Are the successes because of what we learn here and the failures in spite of it or is it all just a random crap shoot and our time here could be better spent painting the house or on some other tangible if mundane triumph?
I think you are limiting yourself when you think in terms of "success" or "failure". Sure, if you want to look at the title of this forum and say, "success" equals x, where x equals (number of sexual encounters per month at time of subscribing plus 1), or (level of passion of sexual encounter at time of subscription plus 1).
I know that's what many of the posters are looking for when they get here. They want the Answer to "how do I achieve 'success,'" and they usually want it quickly. (When I first found this place, if I recall correctly, I wanted the Answer to some question about how feminism has affected society's idea of marriage).
Now, I just want to shake those folks and tell them the horrible truth, that if they continue to think of success in those terms, it will happen or not happen but there are no easy roads to get there. Better to focus on the one thing that you have a fighting chance of controlling: your attitude.
But we can't do the work for them. They either stick around here and do some work on themselves and then maybe their partners decide that they need to work on themselves, too, or they go to another forum, in disgust, where people claim to have the magic pill to cure all ills, or where they are more tolerant of cretins who don't know the difference between its and it's.
My point is, yes, it seems more like a crap shoot most of the time than a workshop with a proven track record, but, for the right people, it is a great therapeutic community. I may not hold out a lot of hope for the continued existence of my marriage right now, but my emotional well-being is stronger because of the collective wisdom I have distilled from this board.
And I'd rather stick needles in my eyes than paint my house.
